Deep inside most Hearts, exists a lonely place,
Where sadness hides,
Where a silent yearning for Love
Longs to be embraced.
This is the place The Personal Journal aims to reach -
The depths. . .where Hearts have much to teach.
But, do we dare reach inside
For sadness that's learned to hide?
Do we dare fully embrace
The tears that long to wash our face?
Do we dare let go of pain
So Love can find it's place again?
Perhaps we must.

Once upon a time there was a wise, old woman who sat on a giant purple rock on top of the tallest mountain in the Universe. She watched the progression, or regression, of all that was happening on Earth.
  A young politician noticed her and, because he was saddened by the terrible state the world was in, he got permission from his leader, to climb up and ask the wise woman what would have to be done, in order to heal the world.
  The young man had heard that this woman was the wisest being in the universe, because she had lived longer, studied less and had experienced far more than any other. As he labored for 11 years to reach the top, he felt sure that it would be worth the effort, even though most of his colleagues thought he was crazy to be going. The climb was far more difficult than he'd thought it would be. He was deeply gasping for every breath, as he finally dragged his torn, sweaty body up onto the rock next to the wise woman. "You have a question." was her calm, welcoming statement. And then she patiently waited for him to catch his breath, as she put aside the poem, "Silenced", which shed just finished writing.
  "Yes" he finally panted, "I must know... Would you please tell me what we need to do in order to heal the world?" She bowed her head and slowly shook it back and forth...."No. Unfortunately I can not tell you. I can only show you and showing you could take a long time and may be very painful for you."
    The young man felt baffled. "Why?" he asked, "Why cant you just tell me?" And she explained, "It is not that simple. Hearing the answer is not the same thing as KNOWING the answer. If I tell you, and then you go back down there and repeat my answer to others, it will not have much of a healing effect on the world, if any at all. The reason for this is that your perceptions of what I say, and then the perceptions of those you tell it to, will get in the way. And nobody will TRULY know. This has happened many times before. This is why things are so messed up now."
    The young man sat thinking about this for a long time. Then he looked up into her eyes and saw such Love in their depths that it almost hurt to keep eye contact with her. He knew that what she'd said was true. He could feel the Truth in the depths of his own Heart. He had to stay and endure whatever it was that he had to go through, in order to help his world.
  Already knowing this, the woman gently patted his hand and softly said, "It will be OK. If you want to go through with this, we should start now. There is not much time left." He placed his hand in hers, as they gazed out at a world that was slowly slipping into darkness. A tear slid down his cheek, as he took a deep, slow breath and whispered, "OK. Show me."

Come... You must rest and bathe before we begin." Said the wise old woman as she lead the young politician down a pathway, which wound around the back side of the mountain. They walked for about ten minutes before arriving at the opening to a large cave. As they stepped inside the cave, his breath caught in his throat. He stood, motionless, staring at how the inside of the cave was like a little world of its own. It even had its own sun and trees! It was like a tiny universe inside a mountain.
  She gently took his hand and pulled him toward a steaming pool of mineral water. As she placed a towel and robe in his hands, she softly said, "I'll be waiting for you outside. Please take your time."
   He was in such awe of his surroundings that her words hadn't reached him until after she'd left. "Wow!" was all he could manage to say as he shed his clothes and waded into the water, which felt so incredibly wonderful that one more, "Wow!" slowly escaped his lips, as he slid down into the warm depths and rested his head on a rock at the pool's edge. As peace seeped into his body, he drifted into a deep sleep. And as he slept, the old woman combed through the poem she had been working on.

It is in my cave I sang, for the winged ones and the four legged.
I sang for the moon and the Sun; the Earth and the Stars.
But the humans. Ah....the humans,
These are the ones who silenced my voice.
These are the ones who do not know Love.
And I became one of them -
One of the strangled voices.
So, it is for them I shall now sing,
That I not judge those who judged me.

When he woke he felt completely refreshed, but was a bit worried that he may have kept the woman waiting for too long. He rushed to dry himself off and pull the simple white, hooded robe over his head as he rushed toward the caves entrance.
   She was sitting just outside the cave's entrance on a mound of the greenest moss he'd ever seen. "I'm sorry if I took too l-long." He stammered. "It was only a few minutes," She reassured him, as she patted the moss next to her. "Come. Sit with me." He sat down as she added, "It will be much easier for us to work together if we relax and feel comfortable with each other. Is there anything about me that you'd like to know?"
   After thinking for a few seconds he said, "Yes. Someone told me that you are extremely wise because you study LESS! I've wondered how you can be even wiser than the people who spend their whole lives studying the most knowledgeable and sacred books on Earth. I don't understand this. It seems like a contradiction. How can that be?" She smiled, "Oh that's simple. It is because Wisdom does not come from books. Books are merely the perceptions of the people who write them. Many people think they are wise because they memorize and repeat what they read in books. But this is not Wisdom they have gained from books. It is knowledge. It is their perception of someone one else's perceptions. They have merely filled their minds with knowledge of other people's perceptions. This expands their minds, not their Wisdom. Wisdom is born in the Heart, through life's experiences. A very Wise man voice once said to me. . .

"This means that a person can be extremely wise and have never even read one book. Do you understand what I'm saying?" He was quickly nodding his head as the light shone on the Truth, "Yes. Yes! I do! I'd never looked at it that way! But it makes perfect sense to me now. Thank you."
   After a moments silence, he asked, "Who are you?" She nodded as she pointed at a flat spot on the tall stone wall, which stood in front of them. "Look." She said. And once again, he was awe struck, as he watched a large mirror slowly appear in the rock. "There was a time" she said, "when a very ancient, Loving man came to me, right here where we sit. He told me to look at my reflection in that mirror. And when I did, I saw an ugly beast. I turned away. And then He said, ‘This is merely what you see yourself as. You must grow to see WHO YOU REALLY ARE. Look again...’ And as he put his hands on my shoulders and gently turned me back toward the mirror, I looked up and saw the reflection of Jesus looking back at me. He said, ‘This is who you are.’
   At that time, like you, I had climbed this mountain looking for answers. I was needing to find my Self. I was needing to know my purpose on Earth. And even though I'd gotten the answers to my questions, I felt that if I returned to tell my fellow human beings, what he had shown me, they'd put me in a home for the insane or crucify me again. So I keep it to myself. But, I work hard at re-opening my Heart to the depths of Love that He has wanted me to. It's been a struggle for me to do this, though. I've taken some wrong turns and it is taking me much longer than we'd thought it would. I'm running out of time....we all are. Just recently, He came to me, and said, "It is time for you to take your place in the world." So, this is why I'm going to show you what was shown to me. I will return with you, but there is much to learn before we go."
   The man blankly stared at her until he finally found his tongue, "Are you trying to tell me that you are Jesus Christ reincarnated?" Again he looked directly into her eyes, and felt it..., the Love that was so deep that it was hard to look for very long. Tears welled up in his eyes, and he knew...., deep in his Heart.... he knew. "I'm still not completely sure myself." She slowly said, "Just listen to your own Wisdom, and you will know all that you need to know. But, right now, it is time for you to look in the mirror, not at your Self, at what is happening on Earth. There are things that you need to see, so that you will know how to help." "Wait a minute! Before we begin, would you please tell me..... What is it like being You?" After a few moments hesitation, she handed him a rolled up piece of paper, which contained another poem. . .

This path I must have chosen in some far point in time,
Is the loneliest of roads - the steepest, hardest climb.
I stumble as I follow the Light in that bright Star.
My tired Heart yearns for Love's arms around me,
For a place beyond time. But I am here to serve.
God whispers in my ear and I humbly send messages
The Humans don't seem to hear.
Sometimes I long to be "normal" -
to be like one of them.
But know I never will. No, never again.
I must be who I am until my work is done -
‘Til I return Home and God and I are One.

Are you ready to begin?" she asked, after he'd finished reading the poem. "I am." "Watch the mirror. I'll explain what it shows you." As she nodded at the mirror, images started to appear. "Let's start with the ruling forces on Earth..." It showed specific locations on maps, and scenes of what was happening there. The first ones showed leaders of countries who claimed that God tells them to take over other cultures, murder people and steal from the land that's occupied by others...etc. "This sort of thing has been happening for ages."
   The scene suddenly flips to a spiritual leader who convinces crowds of people that feeling their Hearts is a negative thing, and that ‘sharing feelings is putting negativity out into the world.’ "There are many similar people all over the globe, who are pushing others to close up their Hearts and let darkness overcome them. Most of them don't realize what they're doing," 
   It shows a woman teaching workshops that instruct people to ‘never listen to or trust their own Hearts. "She also teaches them how to travel in the spirit world and how to intrude upon other people's consciousness and fill people's bodies with green energy, without asking their permission!!!" Though he did not fully understand what this meant, he could see that it was deeply hurting everyone who followed her directions and every victim that her followers focused this low energy on. "People turn to her for help and her Heart is too wounded to do anything but cause more harm. There are many unhealed healers like this."
   The mirror then shows several ministers, who preach in towns that are filled with severe alcoholism and inappropriate sexual activities with children. The minister constantly tells them that they are going to hell forever if they engage in such activities. "Because of what this minister says, the people think that since they are already going to hell, there's no reason to alter their behaviors. There are many places like this, all over the world, where the spiritual leaders are the ones who prevent reform and growth. But most of them don't seem to realize that this is the effect of what they do. They actually think they are being helpful. While they were being trained, they got so caught up in the study of other people's perceptions of God's wishes that they blocked their Hearts from the Love that could embrace those people and give them encouragement instead of condemnation. They follow only the perceptions of the bible, instead of letting God's Love come through their own Hearts. This is very sad."
   Then it is shown that there are men in Peru who claim to be shaman and are initiating people into a shamanism that appears to be a healing thing, but is extremely dark under the surface. "A huge chunk of the New Age movement has become a quest for power and people do not realize the dangers that lie beneath the surface in some of these practices. The ego's quest for power is what caused the fall of the Incas, the Egyptians, Atlantis and many other cultures, which no longer exist. As soon as they put their quest for power over their quest for Love, the darkness started to overtake them and ultimately, destroyed them. At this time, the darkness, which had overcame those cultures is trying to re-manifest itself."
   It is then shown that there are spiritual leaders of all kinds, all over the globe, who are so far removed from Love that they arrogantly judge other religions, and actually think that their way of perceiving our spiritual history is the only truth that exists. "These types of leaders are having an ill effect on people. They help to a certain point, but their words of LOVE often become meaningless, because they do not genuinely live what they say. Their egos use the religion as a way to gain power over others and judge others. Many of their Hearts are so blocked from real Love and Truth that they think God wants other religions to die. But this is not so. Their wish for other religions to die is born from greed, selfishness, arrogance and a thirst for power over others. These qualities have absolutely nothing to do with Love or God's wishes. All of the primary religions must unite - open their Hearts to each other and learn from each other,  in order to find the Highest Truths. No one religion is completely wrong. And none are completely right. Each one holds a piece of a giant puzzle."
   He suddenly looked at her with concern and said, "How can we ever turn all this around? It's too much! They don't even seem to want to change!" "Wait a minute," she said. It's not ALL dark. Before we go any further, look at the flip side of this..."
   The mirror literally flipped around and showed people whose Hearts were open enough to See the healing that must take place on Earth. These people were hustling to make a difference in the world around them. It showed the leader of country who genuinely acts only on what's for the highest good of ALL the people in the world.
   There were all types of Spiritual Leaders - Shaman, Priests, Monks, Gurus, Ministers and Medicine Women who are genuinely in their Hearts and are teaching others to not judge, intrude upon, seek revenge upon or hate their fellow human beings, cultures, societies, religions and nations. "These people are teaching others how to open their Hearts. They are also teaching people how to heal - how to feel the depths of their own Hearts. They are teaching people how to Love. They are doing what The Highest Powers guide them to do. They are letting Wisdom guide them."
   An overview of the whole Earth was shown and he noticed little dots of light scattered through it. "What are the dots of Light?" "They are the people who are Truly in their Hearts and are working at healing the world. The Light protects them from the darkness that surrounds them. They are the ones who have cleared their Hearts enough to not be doing it for recognition. They are the genuine healers and leaders in the Spiritual growth movement."
   As he scanned the whole map, he realized that the dark completely surrounded every little bit of Light. Some of the lights were even flickering, as if dying out. It also showed that the negative vibration of the darkness was having an ill effect on the Earth and the atmosphere around it. The Earth shook, dark clouds were gathering and cracks were forming deep inside its core. He stared at the mirror in shock..."Oh my gosh! Yes! There is Light, but the dark is already winning! It looks impossible! Is it too late? Are we too late?" A tear slid down his cheek as he anxiously waited for her answer. "There is far more hope than it appears, because most of the dark stuff is being done with innocent ignorance, rather than ill intentions. If you look more closely, you will see that most of the dark is merely gray because people blindly follow what their minds think is right instead of opening and following their own Hearts. Their Hearts are just too blocked to know any better. They must learn that the center of everything is HEART; that if they stop blocking their own Hearts, a positive shift will take place, which will enable them to directly connect to the Highest Wisdom and Love. This is already starting to happen in many ways. Look over there." She pointed at a bright Light in the sky. "That's where the Light Workers are. Look at the space between that spot and the Earth." He noticed a beam of Light streaming down to the Earth. "They're working around the clock. There's a lot of help right now. Every day, a few of the grey spots open their Hearts enough to let in the Light. And as the Earth reacts to the bad vibrations of the darkness, it will wipe out a lot of it and bring even more Light into others who will be jolted into opening their Hearts to deeper levels. These will be difficult times for many. It is sad that it has to happen this way."

When she turned to him, his face had gone pale and his hands quivered as he tightly held them over his mouth. "Let's take a break before we go on."
   He lifted his hands to cover his face as he laid back on the moss. After a few moments, his shaky voice said, "I don't know if I want to go on. I don't know if I can handle this. I'm one of those people! I had joined a spiritual group that has meetings throughout the USA. They are part of the darkest force! I saw it in one of the pictures. I didn't realize!" He cried out.
   She gently said, "Yes. I know. Remember what you came here for and ask yourself what you really want and..." He cut her off. "I'm here because I really do want to help. But I don't know how much of it is my ego wanting to help, in order to gain recognition, and how much of it is my Heart wanting to help. I think it's more my ego. I've wanted to be a famous ruler. I've wanted to be in the history books. I want to be THE ONE who saves the world. I'm here to help myself more than them. I guess I'm one of those grey hearts." His lips started quivering. "I feel humiliated! I feel ashamed! I'm so sorry." Deep sobs started to rake through his body. He rolled to his side and curled up into a ball as he surrendered to his grief.
   The woman scooped him into her arms and rocked him as if he were a little child. He clung to her, as a child would cling to his mother. His body shook, his breath caught in his chest and tears poured down his cheeks, as he opened his Heart to a deeper level than he'd ever experienced. "That's it," the old woman encouraged, "Just let it out. It will be OK. Everything will be OK now."

After a few hours of deep crying, the young politician fell asleep in the old woman's arms. She gently laid him down on the moss next to her, tucked a thick blanket around him and walked into the cave smiling as she thought, ‘He has a good Heart. He will do well if his shame and guilt run deep enough to make him choose another way. I'll continue to teach him if he wants me to.’ As she stepped into the pool of warm mineral water, she let the healing calm seep into her whole body and drifted off to sleep with her short, chubby body floating on the water.
   About an hour later, as she slowly woke, her feet drifted to the bottom of the pool and then stepped out, using the surface of the water as one of her steps. She slowly dried herself off, pulled her robe back on and stopped at a fire to make tea on her way back to the young man. As she sat down next to him, he pulled himself to a seated position and glanced at her with sleepy, swollen eyes as he moaned, "I cried on your shoulder and I don't even know your name." She smiled and said, "My name is Wisdom." "Wisdom," he repeated. "Well, that makes perfect sense." He smiled as she pushed a warm cup of herbal tea into his hand.
   "Are you ready to continue?" She asked. After a moment of silence, he humbly glanced at her and sadly said, "I don't feel worthy." A small tear rolled down his cheek as Wisdom put her arm around his shoulder. "I think you are very worthy and more than capable," she encouraged. He leaned into her hug as they silently finished their tea. "OK," he whispered with a hesitant smile. "I may as well give this my best shot since I'm already here." And Wisdom began again,

"Let's look at a bit more of what's happening on Earth." The mirror showed medical doctors writing out prescriptions for drugs that are harming thousands of people. "People tend to trust and do whatever the pharmaceutical companies tell them. Yet, there is so much about healing that they don't know. There are many doctors who have wonderful intentions, but are doing a lot of harm without realizing it. And many of these doctors are extremely resistant to the emotional, herbal and spiritual aspects of healing. When people open up their Hearts enough to start listening more intently to their own intuition, they will be less apt to blindly follow bad advice or take harmful drugs that mask problems rather than healing the root of illness. Far too much of the medical profession is now run by the greed of the companies who make the medicines."   
   The mirror shows psychiatrists at mental health institutions diagnosing healthy children with ADHD and other mental illnesses in order to gain more financial aid from the government. "Many of these children are literally being destroyed by medications, which they don't need. Aside from this, much of the mental health profession also follows what is written in the scientific books they study, rather than following the Wisdom in their own Hearts. Though some children really do need to be medicated, most of them just need to be loved and helped through the type of grieving process which encourages them to cry out their pain. This same thing is happening with many adults. Most of these people have good intentions, but just don't know any better, because they don't open up their Hearts and minds enough to See the deeper Truths about healing."
   The mirror shows a two-year-old boy who's the result of a rape. The mother of this boy projects the pain she endured onto him by claiming that he's impossible to handle. The Mental Health Institution she goes to for help doesn't recognize the core of the problem and heavily medicates the child, so that the mother will not be so disturbed by him, instead of treating the mother's illness. After several years of this, the child is institutionalized, due to severe retardation, which was caused by the medications given to him. "This is incredibly sad, because he was one of the ‘Wise Ones’ who were going to help heal the Earth. They did not directly intend to harm this boy, but they let their ignorance destroy him instead of protecting him from his mother and giving her the proper treatment."
   As Wisdom paused, the young man quickly asked, "What is a Wise One?" And Wisdom continued,"Within each family, exists an individual, the Wise One, who's purpose in the family is to help the others to evolve through opening their Hearts more deeply. But as families choose not to learn the lessons, this Wise One often becomes the "outcast", the "black sheep", the "crazy one", the "Cinderella", the one who has to leave or die, because the rest of the family chooses not to See, not to Hear, not to grow… or because they choose to try to overpower or destroy the Heart in the Wise One instead of learning how to open their own Hearts more deeply. This is what happens far more times than not. It's incredibly sad for every family member. There's deep pain for the Wise One, who becomes the "outcast", and there's very bad Karma for the ones who drive against or aim to harm the Wise One." The mirror shows a family who's caught in an extremely abusive cycle, driving against their Wise One - trying to crush her and take credit for her Wisdom, instead of letting her wisdom help them heal their own wounded Hearts. It shows the father of this family manipulating his wife and children and completely denouncing the Wise One, so that no one will believe her if she says anything about what he did to her when she was a young child.
   "This is incredibly sad because, for all those years that the father manipulated his family against this Wise One, he was in a place of wanting to silence her instead of facing his own mistakes. He felt threatened by her depth, her Wisdom and her quest to face her past so that she could heal her Heart and help others do the same. He has also harmed himself and his children by doing this. He chooses a dark path instead of the one that will be good for everyone. There are many families like this - where the greatest harm to is inflicted by its own members. Most families do milder degrees of this, many are worse, but all have some degree of dysfunction."
   The mirror then showed many families all over the world, where some of the adults are being inappropriately sexual with the children and hiding it. "As you can see, there is as much of this happening in rich and middle-class families as there is in poor families. Child sexual abuse or "inappropriate sexual behavior with children" is becoming like a world-wide epidemic, which steadily worsens because of the shame and secrecy around it."
   The young man nervously bit his fingernails, "I guess I was one of the lucky ones. It's hard to see this, Wisdom. I literally feel sick to my stomach when I look at the pain those people are causing our children - how confused they become about their own sexuality! I just don't understand how anyone can treat innocent children this way!"

Wisdom hesitated before she gently said, "After lunch we will take this a bit deeper. All that you see in that mirror is also connected to you. It is not just ‘those people’ who are stuck. WE are all stuck. We are all in this together. You will see this more clearly when you look deeper into your Self. But for now, let's end this session with a small meditation. A few decades ago, I wrote a song that I'd like to share with you."
   Wisdom picked up a Native American, frame-style drum and started softly playing. "If you'd like to join me, just listen to the drum beats and let them carry you to a peaceful place inside your imagination..." As her drumming became a bit louder and more steady, they both closed their eyes and drifted into the sound as Wisdom softly chanted her song over and over again...

As the sound of the drum reaches my Heart
From this physical plane... I depart.
Saying a peaceful, needed farewell
To my mind's creations, my mind's hell.
I soar into feelings unknown
Then beyond... to a place I call Home.
Home is where Angels sing with delight.
There is no dark.... only healing Light.
Home is where Love dissipates fear
Where Spirit hugs embrace every tear.
Home is overflowing with care.
And the sound of the drum takes me there.
Yah, the sound of the drum takes me there.

As Wisdom slowly lead the young politician out of the drumming meditation, he gazed at the sky, smiling a smile that literally spread from ear to ear. She asked, "What is your Earth name? I don't like names very much. I always see and remember a person by where their Heart is, but I'm feeling like I should call you something." He chuckled as he said, "Mark. My name is Mark. Wisdom, that was the most awesome meditation experience I've ever had! I felt like I was being lifted and embraced by pure Love! Thank you." Wisdom set her drum on the blanket next to her and asked, "Are you ready to see some more of what the mirror has to show?" Mark grimaced. "No. I feel more ready to take flight up to that castle where the Light workers are. But I'll continue if we need to."
   As he looked back up he noticed the mirror showing families hiding the harmful ways they are treating each other. Families that go out into the public and pretend to be more kind and healthy then they really are. It returns to the family where the father manipulates his children and tries to make them jealous of each other - keeping his children in a constant state of chaos. There is one member of the family who has completely pulled away and is working at healing her Heart. But they fight to rip her down, even though she remains completely separate from them. The family does not realize the dark cycles they are stuck in. Instead of looking at their own problems, they project them onto the one who had pulled away - the one who focuses on healing her own Heart. And they fight to steal her power and Wisdom, instead of doing their own healing work. She cries and wishes that they had also chosen a healing path, but is now accepting their choice and is grieving the loss of her whole family.
   "It is good that she found the courage to escape. They are stuck...as stuck as a family can be. This is just one of many who have similar problems. Their egos and blocked Hearts, are what keeps them in such a dysfunctional place. If they were willing to open their Hearts enough to see and face their own problems and mistakes, it would open doorways for healing to take place. It would open doors to the deeper levels of Love."
   Mark suddenly gets up and paces back and forth. Wisdom had noticed his discomfort starting when the mirror showed a family's father and grandfather engaging in inappropriate sexual behaviors with the children. Mark starts rubbing his right hip, "I don't know what's happening, Wisdom. My hip hurts, terribly."

Wisdom smoothed out the blanket and patted it as she said, "That's because you have something you need to face and feel, which you're not allowing to surface. Come. Lay down on the moss. I'll show you how to do yoga in a way that can access and release the emotions that are stuck in your hip."
   As Mark lays down on his back, Wisdom shows him which posture to move his body into and instructs him to deeply breath into his Heart and into the place where the pain is. As he gently moves deeper and deeper into the posture and feels his body loosening as his Heart fills with emotions. Every breath brings tears rolling down his temples. Wisdom encourages him to keep breathing and stick with it, "Very good, Mark. You are doing it. You are doing a good job. Let your tears wash it away. Let yourself fully feel it. Take it even deeper, and look with your inner eyes. What do you see. What memory and pain did you hide there in your hip, when you were a child?"
   Mark suddenly pulled himself out of the posture and muttered through his tears, "It happened to me too! My dad! He made us touch him when I didn't want to! Oh, MY GOD!" Once again Mark deeply sobbed as Wisdom held him and gently rocked him back and forth, reassuring him, "Its Ok Mark. Its not your fault. You were an innocent little boy. Its NOT your fault. Its OK to cry. You are OK even though this happened to you. I'm here for you. You are safe now. Everything is going to be alright." Over and over again, Wisdom chanted these words while Mark cried in her arms. Each time his sobs subsided, he launched into a new round of tears, a new layer of pain surfacing. . .and new doors opening in his Heart.
   "Wisdom." Mark cried, "I remember my mother accusing my father of being sexual with her children. And I don't understand how I blocked this so completely that I believed my father when he told us that my mother had mental problems and that she just made up things. This feels horrible!!! I distrusted my own mother when she's the one who was being honest!" Wisdom silently points at the mirror, which shows that most children experience some form of inappropriate sexual behaviors and that it is so wide spread because it is kept secret. Many people who think they were not sexually abused really were and have blocked the memories because of how ashamed they are and because most people do not remember what happened to them prior to five or six years old. "This is more common than most people on Earth want to admit, and this is why its getting out of hand. We must face this issue in order to prevent it."
   After a long silence, Mark looked up at Wisdom with wet swollen eyes and said, " I'm a bit overwhelmed. And I'm sorry. I guess I'm not very good at yoga. I just had too many emotions coming up." Wisdom smiled and said, "On the contrary, you are very good at it. This is what REAL yoga is about. Its not just the exercise most people use it for. Yoga is about accessing and releasing the energies/emotions and memories we have lodged in our bodies. When I did yoga I cried every time I took it to this level, because that's what we are supposed to do. Our suppressed pain is held in our bodies. When we hold too much of it for too long, the energy in that part of our body becomes blocked and eventually causes physical pain and illness. If you had not accessed this, you would probably have had some serious hip problems as you got older. Each time you do this posture to these depths, you will let new layers surface and release."
   Mark didn't really understand this, but he trusted Wisdom and accepted what she said. And when Wisdom noticed his resignation to this, she said, "Don't just believe me Mark. Its Ok if you don't understand this. Watch how your emotional and physical feelings connect to each other. Practice deeper levels of self awareness. Start becoming more aware of your own feelings on all levels. The more you notice within yourself, the more you'll understand what I'm saying.
   Too often people just believe and repeat what they have heard when they have no real experience or understanding of it. And this makes their words meaningless. Mark, after you have fully experienced and understood what I said, you will be able to relay it to other people in a way that will touch their Hearts - through sharing your own experiences. But for now Lets rest. You look like you need a nap." As mark gladly lays down on the moss, Wisdom tucks a blanket around him and kisses him on the side of his head as he drifts off to sleep.

As Mark woke. Wisdom gently pushed a cup of tea in his hand and said, "We'll start this round with something a bit lighter. I'm sorry to rush you, but we do need to push on. Time is running out." The mirror vibrated and blinked to a scene that showed most of the Earth's people numbly walking around like zombies, thinking that they're leading ‘growthful’ lives, even though their Hearts are so severely blocked that they put the process of obtaining physical possessions far above the process of obtaining more Heart. "These people block their Hearts by drugging themselves with overdoses of caffeine, alcohol, TV, books, exercise, sleep, nicotine, sugar and many other things that are suppressing their Hearts to a dangerous degree. They're preventing the natural healing/growing process from fully happening. They're preventing their suppressed feelings from surfacing and releasing. They have forgotten what real Love feels like. They think they know Love, but they don't And most of them don't realize this. The people who remain numb and removed from their Hearts, are more accepted than those who aren't. This makes it very difficult to grow. Healing is an extremely lonely process in the world, the way it is right now."
   Mark added, "Wow! this is true. I hadn't really thought about it before now, but in the 11 years of my climb here, I've not had any coffee or cigs and I HAVE been feeling my Heart far more than ever before, even during the climb, before I started this work with you. I remember that after just a couple weeks of not smoking or drinking coffee, I started to go through short spells of crying, even though I didn't even know what I was crying about! I thought there was something wrong with me. I'd been a bit concerned about it. Are you sure that this is normal...that this is part of a healing process?"
   Wisdom nodded her head, "Yes. This is very usual. There are three points a person has to reach, in order to do the deepest levels of healing work... 1. We have to stop all physical, mental and emotional addictions and put our desire to genuinely open our Hearts far above our desire for any physical things. 2. We have to be willing to fully face our depths, even the dark stuff, the ugly stuff, the stuff we usually deny or avoid in every way we can. 3. We must become willing to FULLY feel our suppressed pain and let our tears wash it away, so that our Hearts can open to the deepest levels of Love instead of getting caught in our anger.
   For most of us, it takes many lifetimes in order to get to a place of being willing to undergo this grueling process. You are doing very well, Mark. In this lifetime, you are ready. You just spent 11 years Soul searching...on your way to this place where you are ready to open up to your deeper depths. I hope you're proud of yourself for making it this far. Most people give up or foolishly convince themselves that they are already healed long before reaching this point." Wisdom wrapped her arm around Mark's shoulder and patted him on the back as he wiped a tear from his cheek and whispered, "Thank you, Wisdom."

When he looked back up, the mirror was showing places all over the world, that were suddenly being struck with natural disasters. One after the other, there were giant waves, hurricanes, tornadoes and unusually destructive storms, hitting highly populated areas. Many thousands of people were dying. And the rest of the population was becoming afraid of what would happen next. Mark started feeling scared. "Is this happening now?" He questioned. Wisdom put a comforting hand on his shoulder. "Some of it is happening now and some of it is yet to come. But all of it will have an outcome that will help open people's Hearts more deeply. It is incredibly sad that it has to happen this way. As you saw in that last scene, there are people who are praying for these disasters to stop. But the Higher Powers are in charge of nature. Some of the disasters have to happen, in order to jolt humanity into realizing what is most important. They spend most of their time focused on obtaining enough money to get the physical THINGS they want....bigger houses, expensive cars, bigger trucks, bigger TVs, fatter bank accounts, better clothes, better stereos...etc. Rarely are they satisfied with only the simple things they need. And they've fed their greed so much that most of them have forgotten that life is a sacred opportunity for our Soul's growth - for the Healing of our Hearts.
   When people reach a point where they value money above all else, their Hearts continue closing up. Eventually they reach a point where they'd rather spend their money obtaining more control over others and more objects, instead of on helping their fellow human beings who are dying and starving, right there next to them. These people have so little BECAUSE of the greed in the wealthy ones, who take advantage of their plight and won't even pay them fair wages...etc.
   These disasters are forcing people to help each other. Ultimately, they'll bring more Heart into a world that desperately needs it. I'm not saying that the disasters are good. But I am saying that there are good things that can start happening because of them. Out of the ashes of devastation will rise a better world; a better way of life...a world with more Heart.
   All over the world, times of deep NEED are developing. The primary focus in life is slowly shift into caring for people more than THINGS - into wanting Love, Peace and unity above all else. Its incredibly sad that it takes disasters and wars to start waking people up, but this is the way it must be right now. Peace will replace the chaos when enough of the population fully wants it to...when enough people replace greed with genuine Heart."
   The mirror then showed a woman sitting on a small hill. As she has dreams and visions of the disasters that are yet to come. Her Heart deeply cries for all of humanity. She sits for hours, sobbing. And then, as her fear subsides and faith wraps its warmth around her, she picks up her journal to write the following poem...

Oh what kind of world can my weary eyes See?
What kind of world must come to be?
A world where Love is valued most
Where genuine Heart is the constant host.
A world where Hearts pick up their paces
To lift broken people from wounded places.
A world where Hearts weather the storms
And Love is birthed from all that gets torn.
A world where the void of greed and hate
Is filled with Love by the hands of fate.
A world where all is in a state of repair
And none are left in deep despair.

Mark and Wisdom continue to gaze into the mirror as it shows millions of people, who have been effected by disasters, and are in deep need of help. But the right kind of help does not often come. Wisdom frustratedly shakes her head from side to side and says,"What they really need to do is deeply cry, but they are not accustomed to crying. And they don't encourage each other to do it. But things are getting to a point where they cant keep avoiding their tears without serious consequences. That woman who has the premonitions of the floods needs to build a Recovery Center, which encourages deep genuine healing from the pain that is building in so many people all over the world. But the dark forces are working against her. She's getting very frustrated, but she will not give up. She continues to follow her Heart no matter how difficult things get. She falters every now and then, but she's hanging in there. Her Recovery Center is being delayed by the dark forces because she will build a unique place that will genuinely help people heal to depths that have not yet been fully accomplished on Earth."
   The mirror then shows centers for healing and spiritual growth that denounce deep feelings and label sadness as "depressing" and "negative" rather than seeing how it is our tears that wash away the pain and that it is this suppression of our sadness that causes illness, depression and unhappiness. "Some of these ‘healing’ places are causing more harm than good although they have good intentions. We must teach these ‘teachers’ about this MOST IMPORTANT aspect of healing, since they effect so many people. The Wise man once told me that I must ‘teach the teachers in order to have the greatest effect on humanity.’ But it's difficult. They are the ones who often foolishly think they already KNOW everything. When they reach a point where they FULLY embrace sadness in conjunction with other healing methods, and when they encourage their clients to do the same, they will be having far more of a healing effect on the world. And this desperately needs to happen very soon."
   Mark shakes his head back and forth and says, "I experienced this, Wisdom. I went to a support group for personal growth. And each time I started feeling sad they told me that all I had to do, in order to heal, is to ‘just choose to feel joy instead.’ In that group, it wasn't OK for me just feel what I honestly felt. We had to ACT like clones of each other. And I was looked down upon when I appeared to be feeling anything but ‘joy’ or ‘bliss.’ I found it very difficult to convince myself not to feel what I was really feeling. I had a hard time with it. It didn't feel right to me. I left the group after just a few weeks. And now that I look back on it I realize that I felt far worse after attending that group than I did before I went. I'd initially gone there looking for support for the grief I was feeling during the end of a relationship. And I never got any real support at all. For a while, even though the groups path didn't really feel right to me, I went along with it and felt like there was something wrong with me for not being able to suppress my sadness as easily as the rest of the group seemed to. But what you're telling me is that I was really OK when I was feeling my sadness! Thank you so much for validating my feelings, Wisdom. It means a lot to me."
   Wisdom leaned over to put her hand on his shoulder, "You are very welcome, Mark. We all need validation, even though each of us already knows all that I'm showing you. Actually, our Soul's already know all of this stuff. Look..."

The mirror showed people heading into situations that were not good for them, and as a little voice from inside their Hearts called out for them to choose another direction, they'd often hesitate or even stop to ponder it. Most of them ignored it. Then it showed people who had already ignored their intuition so much that they didn't even recognize it when it called to them. They just bulldozed ahead, completely blocked from it, as if there were nothing there at all.
   "We all have Intuition. We all have that wise little voice calling from deep inside their Hearts. But most of us do not listen. Most of us don't take enough quiet time to tune into the whispers of our Soul's voice. If people would just open their Hearts, enough to listen to their own Intuition, a big shift would start taking place on the Earth. But they tend to follow other people, who are also blocked. Most of them are literally the blind leading the blind. If they continue in this direction, they are headed for the destruction of their Souls. This cant happen, Mark. This JUST CAN'T HAPPEN! We need Spring to come. Winter has already lingered for far too long on Earth."
   Wisdom let out a deep sigh and quickly stood up. "I need a bit of a break. Sometimes this gets difficult for me too, Mark. Lets go get some more tea. And there's a poster I'd like to show you. . ." As Wisdom brewed tea she pointed out a poster with a winter scene, which had this poem printed on it. . .

This mist on the glass of a frozen Lake
Tries to help me forget our mistakes.
But the birches struggle to reach the sky,
Almost as tired and sad as I,
And leaves drop one by one
Until the letting go is done.
My tear-struck eyes anxiously stare
And dread this season of tree limbs...bare.
But Spring will rise to shine again,
Even though I don't know when.
So I'll hold out a shaky hand,
And pray for all to understand
That these depths of pain
Produce tears that sting,
And it's wise to let them fall...
Till Spring.

After a long rest and a couple cups of herbal tea, Wisdom and Mark returned to the mirror, and it quickly flashed through the multitude of problems on earth and the issues behind each problem. Wisdom says, "Look at the one common thing in the core of every problem, Mark." And he clearly sees that the suppression of sadness is at the core of every single problem on earth. Mark shakes his head and exclaims "Wow! I'm amazed at the simplicity of it! I'd thought the problems would be extremely complicated with a different solution for each issue. But it's actually very simple, even though it will be extremely difficult to remedy."
   "Yes, Mark. As you are starting to find out, fully embracing our feelings is the most difficult work there is, which is why humanity has found every possible excuse, philosophy, and even "spiritual practice" to skirt around it. But there is no real way around it without suffering the complete loss of Heart - the complete loss of Love. And far too much Heart has already been lost! We MUST reverse this process and bring more Heart back into humanity. Once enough Love is reached, all the other problems will be easily solved because True Heart/Love can not do harm to any other country, culture, religion, environment or individual."
   Mark says, "humanity seems so severely wounded and separate that it looks impossible to pull it all together and have individuals genuinely helping each other on grander scales." "Yes. It does look pretty glum. But it can be done. Look. . ."
   The mirror shows the Wise man's vision. . . where all the religions in the world unite to share their deepest Wisdom, and all the different cultures unite to exchange their gifts. "When each religion recognizes the value in other religions. . .recognizes the fact that each one holds an extremely important piece of a giant puzzle - a puzzle which contains all the answers to the mysteries of life on Earth, they will start bringing huge amounts of Heart into our world. And when each culture grows to See that every other culture also has a unique gift that can help the rest of the world, they will unite with Heart, instead of foolishly trying to change each others unique ways of seeing and being. When all of humanity starts opening their Hearts enough to share their gifts. . .sliding the pieces of the puzzle together. . . peace will grow very quickly and humanity will start opening it's Heart to experience the deeper levels of Love. But it will take time and a lot of hard work." Wisdom turned to Mark and sadly added, "And though it would be most beneficial to take more time working up here, we must go down to the Earth and do all that we can to heal the Heart of humanity as quickly as possible. Greed and hate are growing too fast."
   Mark nervously asks, "What will we do once we get there? I don't really feel ready!" Wisdom puts a reassuring hand on his shoulder and says, " I will return to Earth and help that woman on the hill to resurrect the publication she calls, ‘The Personal Journal.’ And you will join a support group that will help you to continue opening your own Heart. The best thing that you can do to help the rest of humanity is. . .to remain deeply focused on facing, feeling and healing the depths of your own Heart."
   Mark relaxes and asks, "Will these natural disasters just keep getting worse?" "Losing a few people and a lot of meaningless things is far better than losing all of humanity's Heart and Soul! Under normal circumstances, it would have taken just a few large doses of Love to heal things. . .because the greatest healing takes place when pure Love is given." The mirror shows people being hugged with the deepest, purest Love, and tears flooding their cheeks as their suppressed sadness pours out of them. "This is what we must grow into. We must open our Hearts enough to be capable of Giving these deeper levels of Love to ourselves and others. And then the disasters will stop and all of the world will be healed."
   Mark looks at Wisdom with tears in his eyes, "Wisdom, I feel sad to leave here. Will we remain connected? Will we be living near each other? Sometimes you seem like you are not even human. Who are you. . .really?" Wisdom lifted both her arms and wrapped them around him as he leaned in to put his head on her shoulder and receive her embrace. She gently rocked him back and forth. And as her Love poured into him, she whispered near his ear. . .

And for the first time in Marks life he felt happy to be crying. ;-)

I deeply believe in the holistic approach to healing. Taking care of ourselves on the physical, mental and spiritual levels is something most of us need to do more of. But there is something missing here. Something BIG! The ONE thing that's THE core of it all, the most vital component - the one that brings it all together in a healthy way is not included in this popular phrase! So, I'm suggesting that we change it to...

Because. . .

I'm sure that we can all see, as we look out into the world, that far more heart is DESPERATELY needed everywhere, in individuals, families, communities and nations. Let's make Heart the priority so that our bodies, minds and spirits can fully heal.

Though most of us have heard that it's good to let ourselves cry out our pain, we don't seem to realize the importance of it. We don't seem to realize that crying is what washes the pain out of our Hearts and keeps them open to feelings of love and happiness. We don't seem to realize that suppressing our tears also suppresses our compassion for ourselves and others. We close our Hearts, in order to avoid feeling emotional pain. Yet, this closing up of our hearts, no matter how much or how little, is causing even more pain. What I call, the "Hidden Epidemic", grows and spreads each time we suppress our sadness and push others to do the same. I know this may sound a bit strange. But if you read the rest of this, and then listen to the Wisdom in your own Heart, I'm sure you'll feel the Truths in what I'm saying.
   Some say that sadness is "negative" or "depressing". Some even go so far as to say that it's "un-spiritual" or "dark" to feel, release or express sadness. Some even think that all we have to do is use our minds and "choose to feel joy instead". Yet, my experience shows me that this suppression of our sadness is THE very thing that actually CREATES the "negative" stuff in our world; and that allowing ourselves to fully feel our sadness, so that our pain is released, actually opens our Hearts to deeper levels of Love, compassion, peace and Joy, in ourselves and in the world around us.

Crying is like giving the Heart a shower
To wash away accumulated dirt.

   We suppress our sadness, because fully feeling it can be uncomfortable and sometimes overwhelming, especially when it's not supported by those who are closest to us. But even in the most supportive environments, it's difficult to completely embrace grief. Suppression is the easiest route to take, but certainly not the healthy one.
   Most of us were taught, from the day we were born, to stuff down our feelings; to get over them as quickly as possible or to pretend they're not even there. Because of this, most of us feel ashamed to go out in public during, or shortly after, those rare times when we've let ourselves deeply cry. More times than not, we act as if crying is doing something wrong and shameful! And we waste a lot of time, money and energy trying to avoid feeling anything but joy. We stuff down our sadness with overdoses of caffeine, nicotine, alcohol, food, drugs, TV, sleep, thinking, working…etc. We tend to keep ourselves so busy and so distracted that there's no time to feel what we're really feeling deep inside our Hearts.
   And we often try to stop others from crying, because their sadness triggers our own. We push ourselves and others into suppressing sadness without realizing how much it hurts all of humanity and the world we live in. You may think I'm catastrophizing here. But I'm sure that I'm not. . . I feel 100% certain that deeper levels of crying is an absolute necessity for the health of every individual, family, community, country. . . and the world we live in.

As I face many hardships throughout my life, I've often struggled to find acceptance for my feelings of sadness, in the world around me. As deep levels of grief have surfaced in my Heart, I've NEEDED my tears to be OK. I've needed my sadness to be accepted as a part of being human, a part of healing, growing and evolving. I've needed comfort and validation during my times of deepest grief. I've needed someone to be there for me through these deeper levels of healing. I've needed it to be OK for me to feel sad and/or cry for however long it takes to completely release the pain I feel in my Heart.
   But over and over again I was, and STILL am, faced with situations where people label sadness as "negative" or "depressing". Over and over again I've been faced with situations where people have tried to pull me out of my grieving process, or push me to "choose joy instead" or to "move beyond it", before I'd really had a chance to move into it and finish with it. This has been extremely difficult for me. Its often added to my grief and left me feeling painfully alone while surrounded by people, whom I needed comfort from. I'm sure that my experiences with this are extremely common. I'm sure that many of us have felt this kind of aloneness with our grief. But I don't blame any individual for not being there for me in the ways that I needed them to be. I know that most people just don't fully realize that we NEED to get ALL THE WAY THROUGH our grief, in order to even begin to Truly "move beyond it" or "get over it."
   These types of situations, along with the spiritual experiences I've had in conjunction with fully embracing my own sadness, have brought me to a deep awareness of what I see as the widest spread, most dangerous ‘epidemic’ in existence. I call it ‘Hidden’ because of the way we fight to hide our sadness. And I call it an "Epidemic", because, the more we hide our sadness and push others to hide theirs, the more closed up our Hearts become, which is an extremely serious problem that's spreading through our world. Every individual, that I know of, is spreading this "Hidden Epidemic" to some degree.
   From my view point, humanity is at a serious crisis point with this issue. It Truly is like a dangerous epidemic. And this shows in how we relate to each other, to our family members, to our neighbors, to our fellow religions, to our fellow towns and countries...and to our environment. We tend to see the outcome of the suppression of our sadness, but fail to recognize the core cause of the devastation that's happening, on EVERY level, throughout our world.
   Suppressing sadness is the root cause of the vast majority, if not all, of the problems we face, on personal and global levels. When we've not let ourselves cry out extremely large doses of pain, or small doses over a long period of time, it either depresses us, makes us ill or becomes anger that yearns to strike out.

On the largest scales. . .the severe suppression of sadness, causes Hearts to become so blocked that they begin filling up with a warped sense of spirituality, deep greed, uncontrolled anger, and a thirst for power over others; which is THE root cause of the destructive wars that our world is experiencing, on EVERY level, from the ones between family members, religions and neighbors. . .on up to the ones between countries.

On the smaller scales. . .suppressing our feelings of sadness causes our Hearts to start blocking to the point where what we value most starts shifting toward money and obtaining possessions. We start to lose our ability to feel compassion toward our fellow beings. Depression sometimes creeps in. Our ability to feel peace, joy and Love diminishes. Our connection to the deeper, wiser parts of our Selves, and to the Higher Powers, becomes more and more blocked... Is any of this sounding familiar to you? It does to me! This sounds painfully familiar! When I look at my life and out into the rest of the world, I see this so much that it hurts. I've literally cried for all of us.

Now, I'm not suggesting that we walk around trying to cry all the time. But I am saying that we should let our tears freely flow each time we feel the need to, rather than trying to hide them and stuff them back down. And I'm asking ALL of us to take a deeper look at the damaging effects of the "NO CRYING ALLOWED" messages, which we pass on to our children, families and friends. (A part of me has a hard time believing that one of the most popular Christmas songs, which we STILL play for our children, says, "You better be good. . .you better not cry. . .I'm telling you why. . .Santa Clause is coming to town...")!!! I KNOW that we would NOT even think of playing songs like this for our children, if we KNEW how damaging it is to them, our world and our future. Every time I hear this song, I sing along and loudly change the words to, "You'd better cry." I feel that humanity NEEDS to become more aware of this problem so that we can start allowing our Heart's natural cleansing process to happen far more than it now does. This epidemic needs to be healed before it causes more destruction than it already has.

In my vision of a world that's on it's way to being healed, it would be as OK to walk down a street crying as it is to do it smiling. When we freely allow our tears to wash the pain out of our Hearts, our Hearts will open to increasingly deeper levels of Love. And when our Hearts are more open to Love, Sharing and Giving. . .greed and vengeance will diminish. And there'll be more acceptance of the differences in other people, cultures, religions and countries. This will prevent harmful behaviors and wars, on ALL levels.

My tears reflect Joy, Sadness,
Love and Inspiration.
Each of these Feelings
Bring Tears to my eyes,
When I allow the pleasure
Of their growing depths.
Each of these feelings
Are connected
Deep inside my Heart,
In some magical way.
When freedom denies,
A part of one,
The others weaken.

Many of us wonder why natural disasters are suddenly happening more frequently, all over the world. There are scientific theories about ‘normal Earth changes’ and ‘global warming’ and ‘the Earth tilting on it's axis’. There are religions that believe the world is coming to an end...etc. And I feel that there's a bit of Truth in most theories. I feel that there are multiple levels of reasons for these sudden shifts in our world. And no matter how it's perceived or what it's called, these disasters are helping to ‘Reform’ our ways of being, thinking, feeling and living.
   It seems obvious that humanity has NOT been heading in a very positive direction. Disputes and wars resulting from hidden greed and vengeance are spreading and increasing, to alarming levels, all over the globe, between family members, cultures, religions and countries.
   Some of our countries are being lead by people who claim that "God" tells them to pass judgment upon, steal from, murder and take over, other people, cultures, countries..etc. Religions are becoming more corrupt. Hope and faith are being replaced with fear and greed. In general, humanity has been steadily falling into a heartless pit. And I think the Highest Powers are trying to push us out of it.

This may seem like a cruel way to wake us up. But when I step back and look at the bigger picture - at the destructive levels of greed, prejudice and hate that's steadily gaining more and more control over humanity's Heart, I can understand why the higher powers are allowing such drastic measures. They seem to be literally shaking our world...in an effort to wake us up and alter the course we've foolishly chosen.
   We all need to learn deeper levels of what really matters most; deeper levels of treating our selves, fellow human beings, religions, countries, cultures and family members with far more kindness, consideration and Heart than what now exists. It seems to be time for us to more fully understand that what really matters most is NOT the money and THINGS - that what matters most is Heart - how much Love we have to share with our fellow human beings.
   These times we live in are scary! Yet, they also offer incredibly deep opportunities for growth; opportunities for us to deepen our Strength, our Courage, our Love, our Wisdom and our Faith.
   I keep praying for answers, for what I can do, through this time of ‘The Reforming’. And that wise little voice, which echoes through the deepest depths of my Heart, is still saying, "Just feel your own Heart, keep crying a little harder and Loving a lot deeper. And keep sharing your Heart and Wisdom with the rest of humanity." So, this is what I've been doing, through my writing. I feel that this is what we all need to do. We need to focus on feeling and healing the depths of our own Hearts....and then share our Hearts with the people around us, in whatever way comes natural to us. I do it with my writing.
   Many of us may think our Hearts are already open enough. But, hello! I feel certain that we ALL have room to grow. ALL of our Hearts are blocked to SOME degree. None of us are completely healed. None of us are 100% perfect. We're ALL human. And we've all been effected by imperfect families, teachers, friends...etc. We all have pains that we've stuffed down and blocked our Hearts with. We all have suppressed CRAP that we need to release, in order to be all that we can be. And my deepest Wisdom keeps saying. . .

"As our outer world shifts, we NEED to make shifts in our inner worlds. IT IS TIME."

In October, 2005, I made a joke of this by telling someone that, ‘Mother Nature is going through menopause.’ But, I honestly feel that this is very close to what really is happening, on a global level. Mother Nature is suddenly having severe mood swings, shakes, night sweats and heat flashes...etc. It seems that humanity has hit a point where it's time for a sudden accelerated change. And it's time for us to allow our suppressed feelings to surface and release, much faster then we may feel ready for! Mother Nature seems to be the tool that's being used in this process of healing the Heart of humanity, before the darkness of greed finishes completely overcoming us.
   In the early nineteen nineties, as I sat with a friend, talking about this time period, he asked, "What do you think we should do? How will we know where to go, in order to be safe, if the more serious disasters really start happening?" And, since he was not literally asking ME the question, we were BOTH surprised, when I quickly answered, "We each have to be our own guru, because the answers are different for every individual. But this is difficult for most of us, because our Hearts are too blocked. And this blockage prevents us from hearing the depths of our own Wisdom and Intuition. It also prevents us from being here for each other in the ways that will be needed most. So,the best thing we can do is focus on removing the blockages from our own Hearts, through the process of facing, feeling and releasing our suppressed sadness. We must cry every time we feel like it. Crying will help us more than anything else will. It will bring more Heart into our world during a time when we'll need it most. We just need to let ourselves cry more freely."

These wars and disasters are triggering our deepest pains and fears. They are forcing us to grow, through the process of opening our Hearts to deeper levels of care and compassion for ourselves and our fellow human beings. And it feels extremely important that we stop suppressing our sadness and start letting this healing process happen, on a larger scale than we ever have before.
   Every time we don't let ourselves fully cry, we are suppressing sadness. And every time we suppress our sadness we prevent an important healing process and block a part of our Hearts. Most of us have been doing this, to some degree, throughout most of our lives, without realizing the ill effects. If we let our Hearts fully cry as these tragedies hit, it will also release some of the pains wed previously suppressed. This creates a cleansing. . .an opening in our Hearts. It makes room for Love to expand.
   Painful experiences dislodge unhealed pain from our past. This is a natural healing process. But it now seems to be starting to happen on a much larger scale than ever before. And it feels extremely important for us to fully realize that when we allow our sadness to surface and be released, we clean out our Hearts and bring more Love into our world.

‘The Reforming’ is a crucial time for all of humanity as well as for each of us as individuals. Though I sometimes fear what’s happening on these physical levels, I also work at letting my Heart take advantage of these opportunities to grow. There are days when I cry and days when I feel numb with concern for all of us. There are days when I feel empowered and days when I feel like crumbling. Through the fires, floods, deaths and other losses, which I’ve experienced in just the past few years, I’m doing the best I can to continue releasing my own sadness and opening my own Heart to deeper levels of Love for myself and the rest of humanity.
   Though these times are devastating for so many of us, I feel sure that humanity will be OK, as enough of us use these opportunities to clean out our Hearts and bring more Love into our world. This is why I’ve been reaching out and inviting you to join me in this process of growth. Over and over again, for YEARS now, I’ve sent variations of this invitation. . .

"Come. . .walk with me. . .into my Heart and yours;
into the depths that yearn for acceptance,
understanding and Love...etc."

PLEASE listen to me. Let your Hearts feel the Truths I express here. Lets let our tears wash away our pain. Let’s make room for more Love to grow into our future. Let’s embrace our own feelings of sadness, so that our Hearts can grow wings and soar above the destruction.

At some point life deals us all a losing hand.
Sometimes we get lost, don't understand,
And don't let the feelings, we hold inside us, show.
Doors often close. And sometimes we don't know
How to let go.
Sometimes the future simply can't be shown
And we face our fears of a big unknown.
Sometimes we need Faith to bring us back Home.
Home to the place deep inside our Hearts
Where we let go.
It's time to turn away from the old, lost and torn.
Time to give the new a chance to be born.
Life may seem empty for a little time,
But new doors will open. New stars will shine
When we let go. . .and let our tears flow.

All of these difficulties,
The tragedies, losses and pain
Are born to us so we can
Feel Love again.

It seems that the less we think of ourselves, the more we idolize others. And the more we idolize others, the less we think of ourselves. It's a downhill slide, that most of us take, to some degree, at some point in our lives, without realizing the effects of it.
   Throughout our lives we need teachers and mentors of all kinds, especially in our younger years. This is how we find our way. We grow as we learn from each other. Following others only becomes unhealthy when it reaches a point where we stop learning from them and start wanting to BE like them.
   When we start wanting to be like someone else, we start losing sight of our own gifts, our own creativity, our own unique way of being WHO WE TRULY ARE.
   There seems to be very little support for individual uniqueness in our ‘copy-cat world’. Yet, when we follow other people, or try to be like them for longer than what is needed for our growth, we throw away our own power. We do this on many different levels and in ways that most of us probably don't even realize. (And those of us who "think" we don't do this at all, are often the ones who do it most.)
   On the milder social levels, we tend to follow the "norms", the latest styles and standard social etiquette rules. The way we dress, sit, walk, talk, eat, set our tables…etc, is often dictated by the people we spend most of our time with, or by some other person who made up the rules, in some far away place or time. Yes, we do need some sort of commonality in our lives. We don't want to behave unacceptably to the people around us. But when we conform, too strictly to ‘the norms’, it leaves little room for the existence of our own uniqueness and creativity. I know this may seem like small stuff, but a lot of ‘small stuff’ can add up to ‘big stuff’.
   On more personal levels, we often follow mentors, teachers or family members for longer than what's healthy for us. We lose ourselves by stepping directly into their footsteps rather than creating our own, when the time is right.
   Many of us are called to walk a path, or create a path, that heads in the opposite direction from that of our family or friends. This doesn't mean we don't love them. It just means that, in order to be all that we are meant to be, we must take a road that is different from the one that's familiar to us.
   But many of us don't listen to our callings, because it's hard to turn away from what's familiar and comfortable. It's hard to strike out onto "the road less traveled."(As Robert Frost had called it.) Sometimes we must nudge ourselves into following our own Hearts, no matter how hard it is. Sometimes this is the only way that we are going to fully become the wonderful, unique people we are.
   On spiritual levels we often throw away our power when we blindly follow people who place themselves in the rolls of being spiritual leaders, rather than just learning from them and finding The Highest Power/God/Great Spirit/Love/Chi....etc., through the depths of our own Hearts...

I've sadly watched many people get severely lost, by following only what their spiritual teachers thought they should be doing, thinking, living, believing...etc. But I realized that I could not judge them for doing this....because there are times when we truly NEED to "get stuck in" religions, for various periods of time, in order to learn whatever lesson needs to be learned from this experience. And some of us actually do need to remain in a strict religious ‘box’, for all of our lives, in order to stay on a better track from the one we'd be on without it. There is no one set of rules that apply to every individual. This is why it's so important for us to reach into the depths of our own Hearts and Wisdom.... so that we can more clearly see what we are doing and how it's effecting us. 
   I'm not suggesting that we avoid or turn our back on religion. I'm suggesting that we watch ourselves, so that we don't throw away our own Power, our own Wisdom and our own insights while following other people's perceptions of spirituality. I wrote the following phrase after several experiences of being unfairly judged by a minister who degraded The Personal Journal. Its interesting how those of us who see ourselves as the "most spiritual" or "most religious" are often also the most prejudice and judgmental. This is quite a contradiction to the Love God sent Jesus to teach us. . .

In all areas of my life, I now strive to find my own unique way of doing things, so that I can, more truly, BE who I am. I follow no specific religion or spiritual path. And I avoid all other exterior influences that could pull me off of my own path or prevent me from listening to my own Wisdom..etc. Since I've been doing this, my creative side is blossoming more fully than it ever has. I feel more Empowered. I feel Stronger. I feel Wiser. I feel like I'm starting to Truly find myself for the first time in my life. And I feel even closer to God.
   The funny part about this is that I never even knew how lost I'd been until I started finding me. This is the way it seems to be. We don't know what's missing until we start finding it. We just carry on, following, and letting ourselves be influenced by others; thinking that this is what we're supposed to do, and that everything's OK. But it's not always OK. When we do this for too long, we start losing our own personal power, and this hurts us in many ways.  It even cuts off our own personal connection to God.
   The following phrase is part of a message that came to me for a friend as he started getting lost in following the direction of his family of origin long after it was time for him to start listening to his own wisdom, which had been calling him in the opposite direction. But, instead of following the path that his Heart yearned for, he took the easier, more familiar road and lost himself in the shadows of other people's desires for him....literally.
   To me, he died. What was left of the Light in his Heart slowly disappeared as he made choices that kept him on a destructive path. I found this extremely painful to watch. I had to walk away. I literally grieved the "death" of the wonderful man he Truly was. But even though his Heart seems to be gone, the message that came through me, to help him, remains here for the rest of us to learn from…

A much milder example of this ‘sacrifice of Self’, is what I now see in a few people who seem to think that my personal path is something better than theirs, something they'd like to have or do themselves, as if my life's purpose makes me some guru or enlightened being....etc! I see some trying to step into my footsteps and walk where I'm walking, or trying to have the same purpose I have, even though they don't even know the depths of my purpose, where I've walked or how I walked it. I feel saddened by this. So, I am taking this opportunity to say...
   Please don't do this to yourself or me! There's already been too much of this mistake in the world. We have all already let our egos throw our Selves away for far too long... Its time to head in a different direction.
   If you Truly knew the pain I've faced, the losses, the sacrifices, the loneliness, the mountains I've painstakingly climbed, the demons I've battled, the bruises from the stones that jealousy still throws at me, the blood I shed on every level, the ‘near deaths’, and depths of sorrow...etc, if you could catch just a glimpse of what I've had to endure, you would not want to walk my path or be me.
   This is no picnic. This is no game. There is no glory or enlightenment in following my path or anyone else's. If you continue trying to, you will be just damaging your Self. 
   Its sad when we throw away the wonderful people we are, just to try to be like someone whom we can't ever really be. And I don't feel flattered when I'm the object of this loss. I just feel sad that you think so little of your Self.
   Instead of trying to follow what I do, please just listen to what I have to say, learn by the life I've led, feel what my Heart has to share and what yours needs to open up to, but PLEASE DO NOT try to step directly into my footsteps or shoes.
   Use my life as a tool to help you to open up to the depths of your own Heart and Wisdom, so that you can grow to SEE the awesome VALUE in the unique path that you are meant to be on. Your physical path is just as important as mine, even though it's different. PLEASE let your Heart FEEL the Truth in these words....

Have you ever noticed that the one thing, which the majority of the most famous artists in our history have in common, is that they passionately put their Hearts and Souls into their work, without following or mimicking any other human being? How do I know this? I can Feel it in their work. A unique/original work is filled with passion, purpose, Spirit and Soul. And the ones that are copies of the originals, lack all of these qualities.
   The most famous artists, writers, scientists, inventors, philosophers...etc., obviously reached into the depths of their Souls to find their own unique techniques and ideas, instead of looking for them in other people. This is the only part that we should copy or follow.

We were all born for a purpose. We all have things we need to do with our lives. And it does not matter if our purpose is to be a mechanic, a writer, a waitress, a doctor, a politician, a hairdresser, a poet, a farmer, a song writer, a parent, a secretary, a carpenter, a billionaire, an actor/actress, or a minister...etc. No purpose is higher than or lower than any other. We all have equal importance.
   The very best that we can possibly do with our lives is to find what our TRUE purpose is and fully put our Hearts into our work. We are all here to help each other, in some wonderful way, no matter what our physical job is. We can put Love into people's cars, people's food, people's days, people's clothes, people's radios or people's books...etc. Every line of work touches people. When we put our Hearts into it, it touches them in a positive way.

If we each just focus on
Opening our own Hearts
And following only our own path,
We will be helping ourselves,
And everyone around us,
To grow in a positive direction.
Our LIVES depend on us doing this.

Let's take this journey, side by side. No leaders and No followers. . .no one above or below any other. Let's open our Hearts and learn from each other. Lets grow together. . .(separately). . .so that we can reach the heights of our own Wisdom.
   If you want to take a deeper look at some of the ways in which you throw away your own power and sacrifice your Self, then ask yourself the following questions…

1. How often do I suppress what I genuinely think or feel out of fear of what others will think of me?

2. How often do I abandon my own path or throw away my own creativity by seeing other people's paths or creations as being better than mine, rather than just different?

3. How often do I ignore that little voice inside my own Heart, the one who KNOWS, the one who yearns to fully BE the wonderfully wise person I TRULY AM?

4. How often do I just believe and follow what other people say, or what I hear on the TV and radio news, without checking in with my own Wisdom or Intuition?

5. How often do I listen to other people's advise, rather than following my own Heart?

6. How often do I do what I THINK other people expect of me, instead of doing what I NEED to do for my SELF?

7. How often do I copy someone else's idea or technique, rather than searching deep inside myself to find and create my own.

I think that the best any of us can do is to become more aware of this problem and strive to step more fully into, the wonderfully, unique, creative people that we ALL Truly ARE.

Sacrifice
by Sharon Rose Poet

As I turned forty in a world that drools over youth, I was forced to step back and take a deeper look at myself, my relationship and the rest of humanity, on the subject of aging. I looked at the way I'd started streaking my hair, in order to hide the increasing numbers of grey hairs, which were growing into my temples. I looked at the way I frowned every time I glanced in a mirror and saw wrinkles peeking through the makeup I'd just started wearing again. I looked at how painfully degrading it was to feel like I was not 'young enough', 'attractive enough' or ‘desirable enough’ for the man I loved. I looked at how this 'dread of getting older’ cast a dark shadow over my whole life. And I looked at how this feeling was being fueled by the opinions and behaviors of my partner and most of the world around me. The LOUD and clear messages, which came from all directions, were, "Growing older means becoming unattractive, unlovable and undesirable..."
   As this message seeped into my breaking Heart, I felt the core of how horribly dysfunctional humanity can be in this area. My relationship wasn't the only place where this problem existed! Most of humanity seems so ashamed of aging, and so hung up on youth and what we LOOK like, that it no longer seems to matter what we ARE like.
   Wisdom seems to be taking a back seat to vanity. And as I realized this, I suddenly felt ashamed of being part of such a shallow existence. It suddenly seemed horribly damaging and completely ridiculous for me to waste so much time, energy, money and joy while fighting the natural process of aging, even though it's going to happen anyway. This was a real turning point for me. I left the relationship, literally chopped off all of my highlighted hair and started honoring my age by letting my grey hairs freely grow.
   Now, several years later, as I look at the two grey stripes in the sides of my long hair, I smile far more times than not. I strive to be proud of my streaks of Wisdom. And I'm starting to actually feel good about this obvious proof of the time I've served here on earth. Sometimes my grey hairs even seem to glow. Sometimes it seems like, the more I genuinely enjoy them, the more enlightened I feel. This may sound like a joke. But I'm not kidding! Yes, I have days when my confidence staggers. But overall, I'm enjoying growing older and letting it show. I'm finding this process empowering!
   I'm sure that the fact that I'm no longer in a shallow relationship, helps me to accept my age more completely, because I'm not concerned about how anyone else will feel about the way I look. But even if I were to open my door to a relationship, at some point in the future, I don't want to, EVER AGAIN, get stuck in that ridiculous ditch of trying to LOOK younger than I am, or of being with someone who prefers youth or anything but me. . . the way I naturally am.
   No matter who is or isn't in my life, I want to look the way I look, and feel OK with it. I want to reach the point where I can feel good about growing Older and Wiser 100% of the time. I want to be showing off my grey hairs everywhere I go.
   Wouldn't it be great if it were Truly OK to grow old in our world? No more hair coloring! No more bald spot hiding! No more wrinkle removals or droop lifting! No more shame of what's going to happen to all of us anyway. Wouldn't it be wonderful to actually feel good about growing old? Wouldn't it be even more wonderful if aging becomes THE "COOL" thing to do? Can you imagine the extra joy, peace and contentment that will settle into our Hearts, when we completely let go of our concerns about aging and the ridiculous things we do to try to hide it? I think that any aging man or woman, who can PROUDLY wear wrinkles, sags, bald spots and gray hair, in today's world, deserves a huge pat on the back. And I'm looking for mine.

I stood in the lines where every body goes
To fix the aging form of skin, hair or nose.
But strong as stone, I stood. as I studied my reflection,
And found these words I felt, in my body's deep rejection,
"Each crevice built for tears, these wrinkles on my face,
Are proof of precious years that NOTHING can erase.
In the grey of my fine hair, I sometimes see a glow.
Please handle it with care and let this magic show.
The sparkle in my eyes grows brighter every day.
Please don't cover it up. Don't take that away.
Every blemish, bump or sag, in the eyes of the weak,
May make me a hag. But HEAR these words I speak…
I want to remain human, the Truest kind of all.
Don't stretch, tweak or fix me. I don't want to be a doll.
I may not fit in, because of how I feel.
But I don't want to change. So, let me just be REAL."

For as long as eyes have looked back in time, there has existed the fight between Light and dark; the battle between good and evil; the quest for Heart to survive the dark’s attempts to eliminate it, both within ourselves and in the world around us. There are many books, movies and fairy tales written about this, because it's the universal battle, which we all face, every day of our lives, to some degree.
   On the milder scales, we face choices to do what's best for us vs. doing what's not as good for us. We can choose to get juice instead of coffee, to eat less vs. overeating, to drink less alcohol vs. getting drunk, to smoke vs. quitting, to stand strong vs. giving up, to act out in anger vs. feeling our own pain, to listen to that little wise voice vs. the shadowy voices, to follow our Hearts vs. anything else, to do what feels right vs. what feels wrong...etc.
   But we often remain in the same familiar patterns and are slow to make positive changes in our lives, even though that wise little voice steadily rises up to cry out, "Take this road instead of that one...move to that other town or country, take those piano or violin lessons, share your songs, write your poems and books, take that vacation, paint that masterpiece, let those tears wash your pain away, build that dream, let your Soul Sing, make Love instead of money, go on that spiritual retreat, take that art class you've always wanted to take, take more quiet time for your Self...etc."
   We often don't listen to this voice, because it often can be so soft that it's difficult to hear above the multitude of distractions in the world around us and inside of us. When we do find the courage to break away from our usual routine and focus, more intently, on feeling and expressing the depths of our own Hearts, there's almost always someone there, letting their shadow side try to pull us back down into the same old rut we struggle to escape. This can make it difficult for us to fly into all that we are meant to be.
   And if we DO tough it out and actually lift off, this is when the REAL battle begins! This is the stuff that fairy tales are made of. This is the stuff well all face, whether it be in this lifetime or some future one.
   When we take it all the way, when we aim to grow beyond all that's familiar to us...and TRULY reach for the Stars...this is when we're often forced to find the strength to stand alone, on the deepest levels, surrounded by the aching loneliness that allows the wise voice to sing even louder, from the depths of our Hearts, from the depths of our Souls...from the depths of Love itself, in order to fill the void of all that's lacking in the world around us.
   But the most difficult part of this is that the more Love we bring into our Hearts, and the louder our Wisdom speaks, the more vicious the dark forces become. Sometimes the darkness even seems like an exterior force that moves in to use the people we love most, in order to clip our Wings. (I've been experiencing deep levels of this in my life, especially since I started The Personal Journals.)

When its our own families who invite in, and act on, that darkness, that jealousy and resentment, instead of the Love in their Hearts, it becomes far more difficult for us to fly. When our families or valued friends make the choice to drive against us instead of supporting our flight and/or flying with us, they become unhealthy for us. And we sometimes have to completely leave them until we're strong enough to not let them tear us down, or until they shift into deeper levels of their own Hearts. But leaving can be incredibly difficult to do. Its painful to leave behind the people we love and need to feel loved by.
   But there are situations where we MUST completely leave or let them tear us down; leave or die a fatal inner death. If we don't leave, if we let their darkness win, if we let them prevent our flight, they'll hate themselves and their darkness will grow. . .as their Light dims. I've watched this happen in many people, because I've given up too many times in my life.
   I struggle with the dark part of myself...the part that says, "Just give up, Namatari, it's not worth the fight. Maybe they are right. Maybe I shouldn't follow my own Heart instead of what they want me to do/be. I'm too tired to fight them or run from them anymore. Maybe I should agree with them just to get them to leave me alone. I'll give up on healing, on my writing, on my songs, on my visions, on my dreams, on my life and on my Heart, so that they'll stop hating me and being jealous of me. I'll step down so that they will stop trying to rip me down..."
   But the Light in my Heart keeps rising up to cry out, "They will NOT stop hating me if I give up again! They will hate me even more if I give up! If I give up, no one wins at all! I AM OK. I am not what they project onto me. The Love in my Heart shows in my eyes, in how I treat myself and others and in all that I do with my life. If I don't let them tear me down, it will help ALL of us move in a more positive direction. I MUST stand strong, be who I am and do what I need to do with my life, no matter how hard they drive against me." I've been learning that Loving my family means NOT letting their dark sides of jealousy, fear and hatred rip me down and hurt me. . .in hopes that the Light in me and the the Light in them, will eventually win. I have to love my Self, and Love THEM, enough to not let the darkness overpower me. This is the only way for EVERYONE to win.
   Those who try to rip other people down are NOT "dark people". We all have both Light sides and dark sides to our personalities. And we all choose which one we want to listen to. The more we listen to our dark side, the darker it becomes. This weakens our Light side...and blocks our Hearts. The more we listen to our Light side, the more we open our Hearts to Truly Love ourselves and others.
   Its incredibly sad that, as we aim to fly and reach for the stars...in family, friendship and work situations, the dark side of jealousy and greed often forces us to leave behind the people we love, in order to fly beyond where we are. This can be painful for every person involved. Consequently, our world has a lot of divided families, which are filled with angry members who try to bring back or rip down that "Light Sheep", the one who dares to break the chains and fly without them. How incredibly sad that they don't realize, that if they offer support and help, it will enable them to fly too.
   The world also has a lot of sad parents and siblings who succeeded at tearing down the "Black Sheep", the one who tried to spread those wonderful wings, but gave up; the one who fell off the stage, in order to please the angry family or friends, who'd rushed to clip their wings without realizing that it would make all of them even more miserable.
   Every family seems to have one person who is/was ready in this lifetime, to fully blossom, to take flight, to show the others how it's done, to help all of us evolve into higher levels of Love and awareness. But, sadly, most of our families don't support our flight and don't learn the lessons that our lives can teach. And unfortunately, most of us give up and let that darkness win, because it hurts to have to walk into our future without the support and approval of the family and friends we love. Yet, allowing them to hold us back keeps everyone stuck. Its an extremely unhealthy cycle.
   But the saddest part is that, even when we DO completely break free from the "families" and "friends" who choose the route of fighting to hold us back or rip us down, we don't easily win. Our flight often becomes a floundering that's held back by a mournful wish that we could share our newfound treasures with the people we love. Those of us who are the plump flower buds, the prepared flyers, the loners, the unique, the eccentric, the poets, the singers, the prophets, the writers of new philosophies and creators of new beginnings. . .could do so much more for the rest of humanity if we had the support of our families. If our family members choose to listen to the Light/Love in their own Hearts and grow along with us, instead of listening to the dark side of jealousy, hate, greed, fear or ego, we could fly a lot sooner and a lot higher. . .for the advantage of EVERYONE involved.
   I think that the most difficult thing in the world is to genuinely open up to, and strive to remain in, the depths of the LOVE in our own Hearts. The more we bloom, the harder the dark forces aim to clip us off the vine. Its far too easy to let go, to wilt, to give up, to give in to the pain and exhaustion of having our fellow human beings hold us back or steal what we've gained, over and over and over again! And Its almost impossible to freely fly when it's our own families and closest friends who fight to rip us back down, because it hurts. It hurts a lot! Sometimes it just hurts too much! And this pain can become too heavy to fly under.
   When we don't give up, the battle eventually becomes more of an inner struggle. But after we've gotten past the deepest pains of having to leave Loved ones behind, we can begin to expand our own Hearts enough to send Love to their darkness as it aims to harm us.

When we reach this stage we have the opportunity to learn deeper levels of unconditional Love. But it's hard! This is when we often stand extremely alone in the physical world, with nothing but the Highest Powers to guide us, and nothing but our own Hearts to prevent us from crumbling under the pain of these loudest depths of silence.
   Though it's horribly difficult to face these challenges, in order to grow beyond where we are, this is the way it'll be until more of us open our Hearts to deeper levels; until more of us listen to the Light more than the dark; until more of us listen to Love more than jealousy, greed, selfishness and hate; until more of us start supporting each other on these deeper levels. Eventually, we're all going to reach the depths of this crossroad, where we must choose to listen to our own Hearts above all else. And it'll become a lot easier when more of us open our Hearts enough to support each other on far deeper levels than we now do. We're all here on Earth, in order to help each other fly into our Hearts. And it's time for us to start doing it on far grander scales...

Tides relentlessly push on.
Wonder if I'll ever reach Home.
I swim with strength then stop to tread,
Fighting off sharks that haven't been feed.
My strokes weaken to slower than slow,
But on, I must, I must go.

I wrote the following poem when I was out in a desert... when I foolishly thought that my family and friends would Love me for opening up to deeper depths of my own Heart and sharing it with the rest of humanity in my writing and songs.

There's joy in fasting and quite a high.
My wings spread beyond the sky. . .
But is there reward, one that will stay,
Through now and all my future days?
Oh yes! In my visions. That's where it is;
Where all of my life, is only His.
Where my Heart surrenders with elation,
And I become. . . God's dedication.
There'll be no sacrifice for this. I'm sure.
It merely requires the opening of a door
And oh, what will come. . .what will be,
Only my Heart's imagination can See.

And then I was hit with a harsh reality!!! But because of the wise voice that keeps echoing from the depths of my own Heart, I still hold onto my faith that, eventually, enough Heart/Love will move into all of humanity so that we will each Love ourselves enough to not resent anyone else for opening up to deeper levels of Love...and we can all start freely flying instead of selfishly holding each other back or greedily trying to steal each others Light. May Love win.

I'll always Love you
Although I left you.
This will never change.
I needed to heal my Self
And had to do it alone.
Though it hurt more
Than words can say,
It was time
For me to leave home.
Please understand why
I had to let go,
make room to grow.
I had to let go, and cry.
But I'll always love you,
Although I left you.
This will never change.
You may stay angry with me
But I hope, one day, you'll see
That in every ones life
A voice will call
To lead us away from home.
And listen or not,
The best friend we've got
Is the one we can find
When . .alone.

In and around the year 2001, as I watched most of my world go up in smoke, I felt numb with shock. Deep down in the core of my Heart existed a frightened child who was surrounded by a well of unshed tears.
   But I held it back for fear of becoming completely unglued. I feared that I'd get lost in my pain; that I'd never be able to stop crying and screaming if I let myself get started. I feared that I'd completely fall apart while I had no place to live and no place to go, where people could understand my depths of grief or the process I needed to go through, in order to heal from it.
   I felt trapped, lost and more alone than alone can imagine. I needed to cry. I needed to let it out. But it felt far too deep and far too painful for me to face alone. I needed someone to hold me. I needed someone to be there for me. I needed to be reassured that everything was going to be OK. But I'd also lost the people I'd been closest to, in the months around this fire. There was no one left in my life who could be there for me on the levels I needed. So I did what we all do. I stuffed my pain into the dark corners of my Heart and strove to survive instead of facing it and working my way THROUGH it. But the weight of my pain was so heavy that I began to crumble, as I carried it into my future.
   I cried out a couple layers of it while I lived for one and a half years in a hunters cabin in the Adirondack wilderness. I yelled out more of it when I was living on BLM land in the South Western deserts in the winter of 2003 and 2004. And I let loose many deep layers tears in the year 2005, as I wrote my publications and struggled to climb back up onto my feet, before my own family of origin and the Alstead flood completely knocked me down again.
   All of this is far more difficult than I can express here! But I'm realizing that, as I face the depths of my pain, I also face the depths of my Love for myself and the rest of humanity. Through my losses, my homeless situation, and the severe lack of unconditional help in my fellow human beings, I've come face to face with the depths of what matters most in life. I've come face to face with how incredibly important it is to find the Heart to be here for each other, to embrace each other's pain and lend a FREE hand or shoulder when it's needed.
   Even before the Alstead floods, in October 2005, I didn't know how I was going to fully stand back up again on a personal level. I didn't know how I was going to survive the pain that overwhelmed my Heart.
   In the years following the fire and continued chain of losses I'd grown scared of what would happen next. And I grew scared of becoming and remaining completely homeless. But as I now face the cold reality of homelessness, I feel that this is not the worst form of existence. The worse form of existence was what I'd been experiencing when I was taking for granted a five-bedroom house with two cars, a motorcycle, a half-empty barn, an empty garage and food wasting away in my new fridge, when there were thousands of people in deep need of food, shelter, and a kind Heart to hold them as they recover from the pain of deep losses and regain the strength to climb back onto their own feet.
   I'll never be able to live with abundance in the same way as I once did. I wouldn't be able to enjoy having so much without doing more to help those who struggle with having so little, on so many levels.
   I long to create places where we can go during times of loss...when there is a need to take time to heal. And I'm not talking about housing for the homeless or a mental health facility or rehab or any other type of service that's already in existence. I'm talking about places where there's kindness and support and people to talk to and willing shoulders to cry on; places where it's OK to feel sad and OK to cry out our pain for as long as we need to. Places where we don't have to paste on smiles or pretend to be feeling anything but what we genuinely feel; places where healing is the priority, and Heart is what matters most.

I envision a large piece of land scattered with little cabins around a meeting hall, where there will be ongoing support groups for all who need them. I feel incredibly sad that money is all that prevents me from doing this, even though money is the most insignificant part of it. I feel sad that there are so many pieces of unused land and so many abandoned houses that could be put to good use for the countless people who deeply need them. And I pray that some of their owners read this article and find room in their hearts to help this cause.
   Throughout my life, I've always thought and said that, ‘Heart is more important than money and possessions.’ I've been a humanitarian since I was born. But it's not until these past few years that I've grown to more fully understand and KNOW the depths of this Truth.
   Yes, there are days when I miss some of the things I had. (I miss having a shower and a bath tub more than most things.) But since I spent even more than my last dollars on this mission, I've become so far in debt that I'll need a few major miracles, in order to climb out of it. At this point, I've put every possible resource into this. And I'm praying with all my Heart that it becomes worthwhile. . .for all of us.

As I continue to go through this time of healing my own Heart and reaching out to other people's Hearts with my writings, I struggle to hold steady the hand that many shove aside. And with my other hand, I'm doing my best to hold tight to my Faith that this will become worth while for all of us...someday soon.
   But deep in my Heart I know that even if all I've gained in the end of this lifetime is a Heart that TRULY knows the deepest form of LOVE, I will have gained all that I need.
   If I had a choice to go back to the big house, barn, garage and two cars... I'd quickly turn it into a refuge and create a safe place where we can comfort each other as we heal the depths of our Hearts through losses of all kinds.
   One of the results of my multiple losses is this deeper realization of what's most important, of what I TRULY NEED in my life, and that it has absolutely nothing to do with physical possessions and everything to do with Heart.
   Even though my situation is incredibly difficult and a bit too risky at times, I've decided that being homeless is far better than being heartless. So I'm going to keep opening and sharing my Heart no matter where it leads me. As many parts of the world experience disaster after disaster, I pray that those who are losing homes, families and friends, find places where there are people who have the Heart to give them a shoulder to freely cry on, a hand to hold and a genuinely kind and WELCOMING place to safely live as they take whatever time is needed, in order to fully recover from their losses. Dealing with severe losses and staying with other people is extremely difficult even under the best of circumstances!
   These times are so incredibly difficult for so many of us, that I wish I had more to share right now. I wish I already had the sanctuary that I long to build for us. I wish I had a home to invite people into. I still need it also. But, since I can not yet offer a refuge for those of us who are in need, I pray that this story inspires others to share their own Hearts and homes more freely.
   Through these difficult times, I feel that we are all being called to find room in our Hearts...to reach out more actively to those in need...to open new doors to our Hearts and give safe, caring places for other people to recover in...places where it's OK to cry and take time to heal.
   Let's hold hands through our Hearts and be here for each other on deeper levels. Let's let our tears wash away the pain. Let's let Love spread more widely than it ever has before. We desperately need this.
   I've written the following poems as I fell toward literal homelessness. And one of the toughest parts of it is the way so many people seem to judge me and look down upon me for going through such difficult times, instead of trying to understand or help. Its incredibly difficult that not one person, I know, seems to understand that my mission is far too important to push aside for money, no matter how difficult this is for me. I must complete my work. I must write. I must and fulfill the promise I'd made to the Highest Powers. I must share my Heart with the world.

I am "nothing
But a worthless waif"
Who dares to pause
In judgment's way
But all the Gods
Beyond the sky
Reach down to hold me
While I cry.
THEY know.

I walked into
The house of misfits,
Where society's outcasts live,
When all I had in my pocket
Was a life that yearned to Live.
Did I dare turn up a nose?
Well... for a moment or two.
But then experienced
What they'd been through,
And found them the same
As I found me and you.
In a humbled state
I join the place they live
Carrying in my pocket
A Heart that longs to give

Throughout history,
The rich have stolen
From the struggling
Hands of the poor,
Yet dare degrade
Their mere asking
Of those
Who now have more.
Its a crazy
Backwards world
We strive to grow
And live in,
Where the coldest
Heartless thieves
Are the ones
Who proudly win.
I look through
Our wounded Souls
And See that
The wisest ones of all...
Are the ones
Whose humbled Hearts
Dare to rise up tall.

During a time when I was struggling through several devastating losses in my life, I entered into the most painful emotional release I've ever experienced. But, even though this was one of my most painful times, it also led me into one of the most comforting spiritual experiences I've ever had.
   As I curled my body up on a floor during my third full day of almost constant crying, my stomach convulsed and my voice hoarsely moaned in pain. I tried to stop the steady flow of tears! But I couldn't, no matter how hard I tried! I'd gone beyond the point of return. My eyes were almost too swollen to see out of. My chest and stomach deeply ached. And I'd not been able to eat for days. This scared me! I understood the healing powers of letting myself deeply cry, in order to release my pain. I'd done a lot of this sort of work. But this time, it went further than ever before. It completely overwhelmed me.
   I prayed for help. I begged The Higher Powers to stop the pain, to help me pull myself out of it. I felt as if I'd fallen over the edge of a cliff into an endless abyss. I feared that I was never going to make it out of the deep well of pain I'd leapt into.
   But, right at the point, when I knew that I absolutely could not take anymore, I felt a presence embracing me. Its impossible to fully describe this. I'm not sure if it was the Spirit of a ‘deceased’ relative or my guardian Angel or Jesus... But, I felt as if I were being cradled in the arms of Love itself.
   This feeling was so powerful and so comforting that my tears of sadness became tears of deep gratitude; gratitude that I was not as alone as I'd thought...that there truly WAS someone holding me, someone who cared enough to be here for me. I'd needed to know this. I'd needed to know this more than these words can imagine.
   With Love surrounding me, I was able to release even more of my pain. I continued to cry until my body lay sleeping in the arms of this ‘Angel’. And then, when I woke, I wrote the following song about the messages I'd received through this experience.

I am the sadness seizing your Heart
That will, in time, with healing, depart.
I am the tear caressing your cheek.
I am your strength. I am not weak.
I am the pressure in your chest-
Learning to fly.... Leaving the nest.
I am the memory of years gone by
I am the breath that leaves with a sigh.
I am the child within your being.
I am all knowing. I am all seeing.
I am the voice echoing in your head.
You have not lost me. I am not dead.
I am the Joy. You must believe!
I am the Love you need receive.
I will not leave you. . .will not say bye.
I've come to hold you while you cry.

Death
by Sharon Rose Poet

Around the time of my mother's "death", my 18 years with her felt too hurtful and unloving. I missed what we never had more than enything else. I missed her Love. I missed it when she was here and I missed it even more after she'd gone. I'd felt that my mother and I were supposed to do things in this lifetime; things that we never did. It often seemed like there was something extremely important that she'd given up on or forgotten. I felt cheated and abandoned by her.
   My mother was the only member of my family who had insights or dreams about the future, like I do. She was the only one who understood me without being jealous, resentful, degrading or judgmental of me, my poetry and my depths...etc. I think we could have done a lot to help each other if she'd not given up on her own life and died of cancer so early in life. She was only 44 when she went Home.

   For many years it had bothered me that my mother died without my ever having expressed the depths of my Love for her, and without my having experienced the depths of her Love for me. Just the fact that I did not ever actually say, "I love you" to her, left me with an aching emptiness inside my Heart. But I later learned that the death of a human body is not the end of a person's life and certainly not the end of a Soul's ability to grow and Love.
   When I was in my late twenties, I started meditating and learning how to vision quest, Native American style. I found that visions came very easy to me. They brought me to a new level of awareness, to a world that Truly does exist beyond this physical world. In this other world, I frequented a place where Angels worked at sending beams of healing white light down to the Earth, in an effort to heal the world. (These Angels looked like glowing figures of White Light.)
   During one of my visits, as I stood watching, one of them came to stand directly in front of me, handed me a large glowing gem, and asked me to place it in my Heart. As I did this, a wonderfully warm feeling slowly spread through my whole body. When I looked up to thank the being who'd handed it to me, I was shocked to see that it was my mother standing there!!!
   Tears quickly streamed down my cheeks as my legs went weak. "I LOVE you," she whispered, as she pulled me into her arms. Between my deep sobs I said, "I love you too." And I cried in her arms until I woke from the vision. As I opened my eyes I was surprised to find that my tears were still steadily falling.
   This experience was so incredibly real. Deep in my Heart I KNOW and FEEL that I Truly met my mother there, that her Soul is one of the Angel Light Workers, that I really heard her say, "I LOVE YOU" for the first time in this lifetime...that I really finally told her that I love her too, and that I felt her Love to the core of my Heart and Soul, with every fiber of my being. There is nothing anyone can possibly say to convince me otherwise. This WAS real. It was as real as this page in this book.
   Through this experience, I resolved the past issues I'd had with my mother. Its felt as if, in those few minutes of opening my Heart to the depths of her Love and deeply crying out my sadness, I'd received what had been lacking throughout all of my 18 years with her. And I no longer yearn for her to be here for me, because I know she is. I find deep levels of comfort in knowing that my mother's Love is just a wish away, that I will fully join her, someday, and that. . .

I wrote ‘Still Here’ when I was around 19 years old, as my Mother visited me, even though, at that time, I hadn't believed it was really her.

Sitting up sometimes, late at night
Many thoughts run through my mind
Of a mother - gone from sight,
Of a Heart so hard, yet kind.
But I can't say, I don't see her.
When I sleep she's in my dreams.
"Hello little Bum," she whispers.
Oh, how real...So real it seems.
I see her when I see a rose
Or a willow tree
And sometimes
She talks to me.
When I listen quietly,
Her voice, I can hear.
And when I think of her,
I feel her. . .oh so near.
I see her when I sleep
And feel her when I weep.
We can't be torn apart.
She lives for all eternity,
Here inside my Heart.
She'll never leave...No Never.
My mother's Love will bloom forever.

Directly after sudden losses, shock often settles in for months, sometimes even years, at a time. Then, when most people think it's time for us to square our shoulders and move on, it's often time for deeper feelings of grief to start surfacing. And instead of allowing a healthy grieving process, we tend to suppress our sadness and struggle to ‘move on’ before we are ready to.
   We tend to think that if we don't look back at what happened, and if we don't feel our sadness, the pain will go away. But avoiding the pain doesn't make it go away. It just stuffs it into our future, weighs us down and blocks our Hearts until we allow ourselves to look back and face it.
   So, lets not push ourselves or others to avoid looking back and feeling our sadness, no matter how much time has gone by. lets not rush to glue back together what is still wet with unshed tears. Let's let ourselves and others fully feel whatever we need to feel. . .for as long as it takes. Let's support the process of grieving, so that we don't have to carry our pain into our future. Lets embrace each others tears until the pain is gone. . .so that we can bring more Love out into a world that desperately needs it.

Golden is my time
By this familiar creek.
Quiet is the voice
That rises up to speak.
As they return to me,
This multitude of tears,
Of dreams chased away
By lost hope and fears,
Of a time that was,
Though I wished not,\
A time when Love
Was something we forgot.
Was I really there?
In part, I suppose.
But I drove away
To birth a Desert Rose.

Many people close their minds to the thought of a real modern day profit existing, even though our world is full of them and always has been. From my vantage point, every single one of us has an inner Prophet. . . a part of us that is connected to the Highest Power. I believe that every one of us has an inner prophet. And just because most of us  block our hearts from it, or choose not to listen to it, does NOT mean it doesn't exist. As I share my wisdom amd experience people's disbelief,  my little inner kid sometimes wants to rise up to stomp her foot and say. . .

"Hellooo!!! Just because YOU don't See it, doesn't mean it's not there!"

Once upon a time there was a little girl who lived in a small town way up in the North East part of the USA. On a very sad, summer night, she sat on the window seat in her tiny purple room, choking back tears as they spilled out. She tried as hard as she could, not to cry. But she couldn't stop herself.
   Crying was not allowed in the town she lived in. But she wasn't very good at not crying yet. She was only seven years old. Her best friend had just died. And she felt sad that she was never going to see her again. She had played with her almost every day, since two years ago, when she first moved into the house next door.
   Every time she thought of her, she wanted to cry. She'd stayed in her room for three full days so that no one could see the tears that snuck out when she wasn't working hard enough to keep them in. Her mom and Dad said that she had to "be strong and grown up". But she couldn't be. And she felt like she was a bad person because of it.
   Everyone in the house was sleeping as she stared up at the sky, with her window wide open. She'd just finished wiping away a big tear when she saw something flying down toward her window. It looked like an Angel. Shar was about to run and hide when she heard the Angel say. "It's OK dear. I am Neph, and I was sent to show you something." Then, before Shar realized what was happening, her body was being lifted up into the sky. She felt as light as a feather, drifting next to the Angel. She didn't feel afraid at all.
   As they got closer and closer to the stars, Shar started to see that they were not really stars at all. They were billions of glowing tear drops. There were big ones, little ones, fat ones and skinny ones. "How is this possible?" Shar exclaimed with awe. Neph laughed and said, "This is what I brought you to see. Tears are what light up the night. If there were no tears shed by human beings, everything would stay dark all the time." "But, what about the sun? Wouldn't it shine during the day?" Asked Shar. "No." said Neph, "The sun is made up of tear drops too." Shar was silent for a long time. Then she asked, "Well, why do people say that we are not supposed to cry, then?"
   Neph explained, "Because they think that their pain is what causes their tears. They think that if they don't cry their pain will go away. But this is not true. Tears are what wash the pain away, and provide light for us to see through the dark. When humans don't let tears wash away their pain, their hearts become dark also. Humans need to cry, in order to bring Light into their hearts." Shar suddenly started to cry again. She no longer wanted to even try to hold it in. Deep inside her Heart, she knew that what Neph said is true. There were a lot more stars above the towns that allowed tears, and people there were a lot more happy too. And her town had been growing darker, even during the day. She'd always wondered why there was such a difference between her town and some of the other towns. And now she knew. As Shar cried out hundreds of little tears, Neph held her and slowly rocked her, back and forth, on a big soft cloud. Shar didn't wipe even one of them away. And they watched her tears float out into the sky where they lit the night above her house. After she was through, she felt a nice warm glow, deep inside her Heart. And the pain of losing her best friend was gone. She suddenly felt happier and more peaceful.
   As they drifted back to Shar's bedroom window, Neph explained, "You must tell them Shar. Show them what I’ve shown you. And let yourself cry every time you feel like it. It will help all of you to light up the dark that surrounds your town. "OK," said Shar, smiling an impish little grin as she sleepily climbed into her bed. "I'll tell them tomorrow."
   Shar felt a lot better, not only because she freely cried out her pain, but also because she now knew that she was not bad or weak, just because she cries. Neph tucked the blankets around her, kissed her little wet cheek, and drifted back into the sky.
   Shar slowly slipped out of bed as she stretched her sleepy limbs and blinked her eyes open. But she suddenly sprang to alertness as she remembered what had happened the night before. She couldn't wait to get down stairs and tell her mother about Neph. Shar felt sure that her mother would understand how crying helps people to clean out their Hearts, because she often heard her mother crying late at night.

Shar struggled to pull on her bathrobe as she ran down the stairs. But as she raced through the kitchen doorway, her oldest sister stuck out her foot and tried to trip her, while the other sister pulled her hair. Shar yelled, "OUCH!" as she crashed into a table, where her mother was mixing pancake batter for their Sunday breakfast. "Shar!" She scolded, "How many times do I have to tell you to slow down and be more careful? Now march right back upstairs and get something on your feet." Shar quickly hid her feet under her robe as she excitedly said, "But Mom, I h-have to t-tell you something r-r-really important! You s-s-see, last night an Angel c-came to me, her n-n-n-name was Neph… and, and sh-she told me th-that…" As Shar was cut off by the laughter of her sisters, her older brother disgustedly said, "What a mental retard you are!" "N-no I'm N-N-NOT!" yelled Shar. Her sisters laughed even harder as her Mom's voice boomed above all of them, "GET UPSTAIRS AND PUT YOUR SHOES ON!!!" Shar started to cry, "But Mom! I have t-t-to….." Her mother screamed, "GO!!!!" as she glared at Shar and pointed a large wooden spoon at the stairs. Shar turned and ran out of the room, choking back tears of frustration. When she reached the safety of her bedroom, she threw herself onto her bed and let herself deeply cry.

Between her sobs, she wondered, "Why are they so mean to me? Why don't they listen to me? Why don't they love me?" And wondering these things made her cry even harder. She didn't even try to hold back her tears as she suddenly leaped up from her bed, ran to her window, flung it open and cried out..., "NEPH! NEPH, COME BACK! NEPH, I NEED YOU!" But Neph did not come and the only sound she heard was the snickering of her two sisters, outside her bedroom door. Shar rushed to prop a chair under her door knob to keep them out, and yelled through the door, at the top of her lungs, "GO AWAY and LEAVE ME ALONE!!!" Shar stayed in her room for another day. Her mother did love her but her heart was so blocked from her own un-shed tears that her Love was not able to care about how much her other children hurt Shar, and how unloved Shar felt.

Late that night, Shar fell asleep, on a tear dampened pillow, as she sat by the window, waiting for Neph. When she woke, she remembered dreaming that Neph had come to hold her, right there on her little window seat. And Shar knew that Neph really had come, in her dream, to comfort her and let her know that she was not alone. Shar smiled as she rushed to get dressed for school with determination to tell her classmates about the stars being tears that light up the night, and how we are all supposed to let ourselves cry when we feel a need to.

Shar climbed onto the bus after her siblings. As was the usual routine, her two older sisters rushed to claim a front seat and Shar quickly snuck past them and headed for a back seat, where she sat next to a small boy who stared out the window until the bus pulled back out onto the road. As he turned toward Shar, he asked, "You OK?" "Yup," chirped Shar. "You look like you've been crying!" he mumbled as he turned back toward the window.
   Shar started to deny it, but then remembered what Neph had told her. "Yes. I was, for over half the night." She admitted. And was surprised to hear him say, "I wish I had. It gets harder to hold it in, every day!" "What do you want to cry about?"Asked Shar. "My brother was forced to go fight in the war and I don't think I'll ever see him again!" Tears began to mist his eyes as he looked at Shar. "I don't even know where he is! Why do they have these stupid wars anyway?"
   Shar moved closer to him and put her arm around his shoulder, "Its OK to cry, you know. I met an Angel who told me so." His eyes opened wide, "An Angel?" "Yup. Her name is Neph. Do you write to your brother?" He looked down at the books he held on his lap, "I wrote to him several weeks ago, but no one's heard from him for over two months! I miss him. I want him back." He quickly tucked his face into the fold of his elbow to hid the tears that started to roll down his cheek.
   Shar wrapped both of her arms around him and said, "Go ahead and cry. It will help you to let go of the pain in your Heart. I understand cause I just lost someone that I miss a lot, too." He relaxed his body against Shar and started to sob. She held him and gently rocked him back and forth until someone suddenly asked, "What's wrong back there? Why is he crying?" And then one of Shar’s sisters yelled out, "Shar hit him!"
   The bus came to a screeching stop and the bus driver rushed to the back, grabbed Shar by the collar of her coat and dragged her to the front of the bus. His voice boomed out, "You stay right here," as he pushed her in between her two sisters. Both sisters immediately leaned away from her and looked at her with disgust.
   Shar cried out, "I didn't do anything! PLEASE let me go back to my seat!" But he believed her sisters and shook an angry finger at Shar and scolded, "There will be no more of this on my bus. From now on, you’ll sit in front where I can keep an eye on you."
   As he returned to his seat, Shar looked back to see if her friend was OK. He was crouched down in his seat, doing everything he could to hold back his tears again. And shar buried her face in her hands and let loose enough tears for both of them.
   When the bus driver pulled up to the curb and opened the door, Shar rushed out and ran into the school. As she rounded a corner she rammed into her art teacher, Mr. Munna. "Woe there! Why are you in such a rush, Shar?" Shar just stared at the floor. As he noticed a tear slipping down her cheek, he took her by the hand, "Come into my room for a minute." Mr Munna was her favorite teacher and one of the kindest people she knew. As he sat down at his desk he asked, "Do you want to talk to me about it?" And Shar suddenly cried out, "Oh Mr. Munna, I just don't understand why my sisters are so mean. They make up lies about me and people believe them instead of me. Its so unfair. How come they hate me so much? I thought sisters were supposed to love each other!" Shar began to cry and her lower lip quivered as she asked, "What's so awful about me that they would hate me so much?"
   Mr. Munna squeezed her hand and said, "Dear Shar, there is absolutely nothing wrong with you. They are just jealous of you because you represent everything they want to be more of. You are thin, athletic, a child poet, a singer and so very wise beyond your years that you often even baffle us adults. Your sisters don't hate you. They hate themselves for not being more like you. It is sad that they don't see that their own unique gifts are just as important as yours are." Shar looked at him with a confused look on her face, and he added, "Just KNOW that you are wonderful exactly the way you are. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you and nothing awful about you. It is just a problem they have," Several huge tears spilled out as Shar said, "I wish they loved me instead of having their problem."
   With tears still streaming down her cheeks, Shar wrapped both her hands around his and looked him straight in the eye, "Mr. Munna," she asked, "If I tell you something will you promise not to laugh at me or think I'm crazy?" It was all he could do to keep his own composure. Her pain tore at his heart. "Yes, I promise," he stammered.
   After Shar had finished telling him about her experience with Neph, she wiped the tears from her cheeks and waited for his response. He stared at her in near shock. He could feel the Truth in her words. He knew she would never make up such a thing. But it was all so hard to completely believe that he desperately searched for an appropriate response. And after a minute or so, he gently took her by the shoulders and said, "Shar, this is a bit shocking. I need some time to digest this. But yes of course I believe you. I trust you. Wow! She actually said that our tears are what will Light up the night?" Shar continued to stare into his eyes. With the hint of a quivering smile she proudly said, "Yup." And Mr. Munna shook his head and laughed, "Well, by gosh! She may very well be right. Can you come see me during lunch?" Shar smiled as she nodded her head and quickly hugged and kissed his arm before she rushed off to her homeroom class.

Shar stared out the window in her science class, imagining sitting up on the clouds. As her legs dangled over the edge of a puffy, white cloud, Neph suddenly flew in to sit next to her. Shar threw her arms around her and cried, "Neph! Oh Neph! What are you doing here? How can this be? How can you be here in my imagination?" Neph hugged her back and smiled. "Your imagination is the doorway to this other world. When you stop creating what you see and start just experiencing it like right now, it becomes real."
   Shar confusedly asked, "How can this be real when I'm REALLY sitting in a boring science class?" Neph explained, "There are many different kinds reality. This world is not physical, but it has its own unique kind of reality. I'm really here with you. You are not imagining me.
   Neph pointed out a door that had the word, FUTURE, engraved in it. She went to the door and opened it so that Shar could see inside. She looked down to the Earth and saw lots of storms and disasters, lots of wars and people hurting each other....and then out of the ashes of this destruction came a giant, beautiful angel that glowed with the brightest Light Shar had ever seen. She shielded her eyes from it. And when she dared to open her eyes again, she saw a girl sitting next to her, crying. "Who are you and what's wrong?" asked Shar. Though startled at first, the little girl said, "I'm Tiffany and I'm sad because my Ma Ma and Pa Pa are looking for me and cant see me. A big storm came and I got caught up in the water. I can see my body there under the pieces of our house but I cant get back to it. I want to tell Ma Ma and Pa Pa that I'm OK but they can't hear me. Am I dead? Oh I'm scared. Can you please help me?" As she started to sob again, a man appeared from the cloud above us. He lifted her into his arms and said, "Everything is gonna be OK, Sweet Pea. Your Grandpa is here and your Ma and Pa will come to meet you soon." Tiffany looked up to see that he really was the Grandfather who had "died" two years ago. "Oh Grandpa! I've missed you so much," she exclaimed as she threw her arms around his neck. And many other people started drifting up to the cloud, from the places where the storm hit the land. Some of them were happy to be free... some were not yet sure of what was happening... And some were missing the people they left behind, but all of them were OK and on their way Home.

Shar looked at Neph in confusion. Neph explained, "There is no time here. Where you are in your science class, it is 1967. But here, you are seeing part of the year 2005. All of the past, present and future are here. What you are seeing is part of a big hurricane that just hit the southern USA. You will be in North Eastern USA when this happens. And you will be in your forties. This is a very sad time for many thousands of people."
   Shar looked up and saw beams of Light streaming down to the area where the hurricane hurt the land and people. Neph said, "The Light beams will help them through this time, but what they also need is for the rest of the people to open their Hearts and doors to the survivors of this disaster, and give them places to live and places where it's OK to cry and heal from what has happened. What they need is to let their tears bring Light into the Hearts of the rest of humanity.
   Two months before this happened, you wrote a story called Homeless, hoping to help people to open their Hearts through this time. Though this was not understood by most people, at this point, they are slowly starting to open their Hearts to deeper levels."
   Shar looked a bit confused as Neph put her arm around her shoulders and gently guided her back to the place where she could return to her classroom. And as Shar squared her shoulders in preparation to ask the multitude of questions that were forming in her mind, Neph put a finger to her lips and whispered, "Another time, Dear. I must go now."
   As soon as the bell rang, Shar quickly ran from her science class to her locker and then to the girls room so that she could have some lunch with Mr. Munna. By the time she got to his room he already had his sandwich, some cookies and two milk cartons out on the desk for them. She wriggled up onto her usual seat on his desk and put her feet on his chair as he handed her the other half of his peanut butter sandwich and leaned against the chalkboard.
   "Is something wrong, Mr. Munna?" Shar asked as she noticed the crease between his brow. "Well," he said, "I am a bit worried about you. And I feel that I need to warn you that most people are not going to believe you when you tell them that crying is what will heal the world. I've done a lot of Soul searching since you told me. And I had to look very deep into my Heart in order to fully realize the Truth, because it's so unusual. It almost sounds like a contradiction. Most people are not going to even try to understand it, Shar. They just think that crying is not good. And I'm worried about what their reactions could do to you. There are people who will probably be even more mean to you than your sisters are on their worst days. And then there's the ones, like your sisters, who are wise enough to see the Truths, but will hate you because they wanted to be the ones that Neph talked to. This is a harsh world we live in, Shar. And that harshness often cuts too deep into big Hearts like yours. If you plan to spread this message it could deeply hurt you and I'd hate to see that happen." Neph smiled and cheerfully said, "I'm glad you care about me Mr. Munna. But I'll be OK." And with that, he dropped the subject, and chatted with her, about her last visit with Neph, until the next bell rang.

Over the next few years, Mr. Munna sadly watched Shar’s Heart slowly closing up as she struggled against all odds to help people to realize that crying was a good thing to do. By the time she'd left high school, she was back to suppressing her own tears. But as her Heart grew heavy with suppressed sadness and her need to be liked and accepted by her family, she became very unhappy. She stopped writing and stopped going to visit Neph. Her mind grew numb and she stopped caring about the things she used to care about. She remained in this foggy state of mind until she was in her mid twenties, when her body died on an operating table, and then returned with the memory of the kind of Love Neph had shown her, the kind that was very real and very, very deep. And this is when her tears and poems started to flow again.

For many years Shar wrote out the tears she'd previously stuffed down into her Heart. Then she decided to put her poems into a book, in order to help other people heal also. And she put together a book called, "Embracing Feelings." But her father was scared that she'd eventually reveal the bad things he'd done in her childhood. So he convinced her that it was a bad book and told everyone else that Shar just imagines most of the stuff she says and writes. He and her sisters started trying to convince her that she was crazy. They even tried to convince the rest of the world that she is insane so that people won't believe her if she ever dared to get into more details about some of the things that happened in her childhood. They aimed to completely crush her so that their behaviors could remain hidden. Shar carried incredibly deep levels of pain due to this severe lack of care for her. She nearly completely crumbled under the burden of it.
   But, as she let them prevent her from doing what she needed to be doing with her life, she began to realize that she was faced with a big decision. She could remain with the father and sisters who still aimed to harm her mentally, emotionally and spiritually, and do what they wanted her to do. . .or she could completely leave them so that she could continue to heal her own Heart and help others do the same. Though she didn't really want to, she knew she had to leave. This was incredibly difficult for her, because she loved her family even though she hated the ways they treated her. But she couldn't reach them. There was noting she could do about the ways they chose to behave. So, she walked away with tears streaming down her cheeks, praying that someday, her sisters would heal their own Hearts enough to stop being so jealous of her and stop treating her so cruelly. And she prayed that her father would start facing his own mistakes instead of manipulating people against her.
   After leaving Shar dove into the process of returning to the magical child she had once been. As often as she could, She brought herself back to the lessons Neph had given her. She remembered the time when Neph showed her how to imagine a big beam of God's healing Light shining down from the Heavens into her body, and especially into her Heart. Shar remembered how she used to feel the tingling sensation in her body as the Light came in, and how it felt like she was all wrapped up in a soft, warm blanket of Love.
   Though she deeply grieves the loss of the family she'd been born into, here on Earth, she felt that her real family exists in the Souls who care about her enough to never try to do anything to hurt her, on any level. . .and that her truest Home is in the place she will go to when her body dies. Though she would never take her own life, she looks forward to returning Home. . . to where the Truest form of Love resides.

It is here that I stand
On the great pinnacle of death.
As each wave lashes my Soul
I cringe with pain,
Finding not the strength
To withstand.
I weaken and tremble with fear.
Unworthy of protection,
Unworthy of Love.
But, surely,
If I search long enough,
If I look deep enough,
If I cry hard enough,
I will again find that place,
Deep within my Heart,
Where there is strength,
Where there is courage,
Where there is peace,
Where there is Love.